Distance

Half the world away,
Yet your presence feels near because of the,
‘Good morning’, and the,
‘Have a great day’.
The,
5-minute conversations,
A general reminder to have meals on time,
A question about the weather,
A ‘Bye’,
That leaves me, amidst grey corridors,
Wondering when I’ll be home next,
To sit on the blue beanbag on my room,
Look at that red and gold wall in our hall,
A feeling that leaves me momentarily when,
I return to my room and scroll through 19 years of
Photographs,
A book,
Resting on my bed,
Fully aware that the sun will rise tomorrow,
And you will each independently message me a
‘Good morning’, and a
‘Have a great day’,
Though you are next to each other,
And I’m half the world away.

 

 

Consider

Always stop and consider the effect of the words you use on other individuals. I can’t give you a large narrative about this takeaway from life. But it’s important for everyone to understand. Sometimes we forget about looking at things from other people’s lenses, and often that leads to us saying things that may hurt other people, or make them feel negative about themselves. While slip-ups in conversation do take place, and you can recognize and correct these slip-ups, sometimes people let you off the hook. They let you off the hook because they think it’s a one-time thing. It’s quite possible that that part of your life gets normalized, and its a situation you’d best try avoiding.

Often because, in the most extreme cases, I think a large part of not being considerate leads to uninformed public opinions you feel strongly about, some form of discrimination – whether casual/unintentional, or intentional. Or using words you don’t fully understand the connotations of. Words that remain in people’s memories long after they’ve left the confines of your tongue.

I guess it’s important to be considerate also because of the distance words can create, or the distance words have the ability to bridge. Over the course of the year, I’ve become more comfortable writing on this blog – even though I know my family members read it, because sometimes, it’s like the distance between Bengaluru and Gandhinagar doesn’t exist, or even that the distance between Dubai and Gandhinagar doesn’t exist. My parents are able to look at pieces I write and somehow, know what to say to me. If this is the effect of the written word, think about the effect of spoken words on individuals who you see face-to-face.

Use your words wisely. As humans, we’ve been smart enough to create languages. Use your words well. Use them not to hate, but to convince. Use them not to polarize, but to create dialogue. Incentivize people to not just listen to your bellowing voice, but to actually hear what you have to say. I think that’s important.

Also, in other news. I think a portion of this blog, or another blog may be in the works soon. A blog that charts my reading progress & offers literary opinion on things I read. Whether poetry or prose. Writing has been this great source of comfort in 2017. Reading is just something I love. Seeing if it’s something I can reasonably commit to. Also, an advantage of this is that I’ll be able to see the originality of thought and interpretation – and also get more discussion in on people’s ideas about what I’m presently reading. All of this is inspired by one of my newfound friends, one who’s presence I’m deeply grateful for. Long may our exchange of Literature continue, friend.

Bloody hell, it’s begun to rain again. Sometimes the unproductivity really gets to me.

Curdrice out.

Cancelled Classes

Ah, classes were cancelled today. The euphoria of that knowledge was far more than I anticipated. And the nostalgia trip I went on was also something that I didn’t expect. In my first year, classes were cancelled for 3 days because of the rains, and 2 days because of other unfortunate circumstances.

The rains finally provided a day off, the only thing I was genuinely looking forward to. I woke up to the news that classes were starting at 11, and then awoke at 10.15 to get ready, thankfully checking WhatsApp again & finding out this brilliant piece of news. Subsequently, I took a bath and went back to sleep, accomplishing nothing productive till after 2 pm. It was a truly great day.

Today, I read a book 3000 recommended to me, and honestly, it was one of the best decisions I made. I really enjoy the way people suggest books to you based on their interaction with you and their understanding of your preferences. First, it shows how much people care, but, second, I think people are brilliant judges of preferences – and that means you’re going to find books you love. Also, you get to understand the sort of things another person is interested in. Books and music, for me, are two examples of things that convey parts of a personality like very few other things can.

The book I read today was thankfully also coupled with a marvellous playlist I found on YouTube, one that provided brilliant accompaniment to a book I kept scrolling through on my laptop. For me, reading away is not a feeling I can compare to anything else. Each time I read a book, I’m blown away by how little I know. I’m also simultaneously blown away by all the creativity and the stories that exist in this world, stories that remain unspoken and creativity that isn’t tapped into because of societal pressures, amongst other things.

It’s rather sad.

The other wonderful thing about today was the time I spent with Shrek. Shrek is a rare breed. To the outside world, he’s this tough beast. Inside, he is a softie. Conversations with him are always wonderful ways to reflect upon decisions I’m taking and things I’m doing. In a competitive environment like Law school, having him around is a blessing. One day I will find a way to pay him back for all this comfort he’s able to provide just by listening to things I have to say and being receptive to new ideas I put across to him. The camaraderie of an Indian hostel is one that I don’t think you’ll find anywhere else. Maybe it’s the fact that we share toilets.

So here’s to you, Shrek. And to you, 3000.

Beds or Benches

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, I fell asleep in class today. In just one class, but the first class of the year I have fallen asleep in. Which brings back several memories of countless posts which exist on this blog about the “falling asleep” syndrome, and my attempts to combat the feeling.

It’s been a month since I left Bengaluru for Gandhinagar, from when I swapped out my beanbag for my black chair, and the comfort of being the only one in my room for the comfort of having someone to return to the room to. It helps massively having a roommate, especially one who is outside the friends circle I usually hang out with, and one who always has stories to share. Looking back, it’s been an insane month – I’ve discovered feelings I had previously only read about, managed to read a whole lot (but not enough; never enough), and managed to get myself to the Gujarat High Court. These are particular highlights.

The month has also helped create opinions about each class I sit in. I’m very aware of the classes I will wake up for, and the classes I need someone to tell me to get to. One of my closest friends has had to head home for surgery (hope you don’t get fat, bro), which acts as extra motivation to get myself to class – he’ll need the notes as well. But with Professors who act like schoolteachers, it gets increasingly tough to pay attention.

It’s also been raining for 4 days continuously. I detest the rain – but what this weather has given me, for the first time, is an opportunity to unwind, and an excuse to cuddle up into my blanket and lie down – without regret. It’s excellent. I’m sleeping a lot more than I have before, a very healthy way to live, but I’m also very relaxed about things I’m doing in life. A far cry from the stress I took upon myself last semester.

Today marks 2 years since my first day in classes. It’s quite beautiful that it’s raining like this. My first day on the GNLU campus as a GNLU student was marred with rains – my mother left me as it began to pour, and as I felt a few tears form on my cheek & the song “Maa” from Taare Zameen Par play. As it rained, I asked my roommate if he’d accompany me to the MPS to help me buy a mattress. And together, we sprinted in the rain & got a mattress for me to sleep on.

It was also in this sort of torrential rain that I had my first college debate, the activity that has introduced me to my closest set of friends. Friends, I am the most comfortable with, because I know arguing with them is a daily exercise, and disagreeing is a passion they share as much as I do. It’s also the only activity at University where I have seen individuals change – from being reserved, to being outspoken, from having reservations, to being open-minded: because what debating does, is allow for creative, impromptu dialogue. And no other form of dialogue reveals the layers of experiences individuals hold to them.

Which reminds me, I should go prep. The blog is returning – I’ve finally managed to pen a piece about my daily thoughts & ramblings! Quite excited.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

 

 

Heal

Two discussions in two days,
On how scratches and bruises have,
Created tears and wounds that,
Haven’t clotted before you dropped.

And how,
In a matter of minutes,
The world has turned upside down,
Seconds stretching to years,
Free-falling into chaos.

What then?
Breathe.

The world may be spinning,
But,
Tap your head,
Blink a couple of times,
And look at what’s around you.

If you’re falling,
Then you’ve been at the top, so,
Remember the birds’-eye view you got from up there,
And know that you got there yourself.

If you’re falling,
Look down at what you’re falling into,
Face it head on,
For you might be able to navigate yourself to a patch of grass,
And roll into a comfortable landing.

If you’re falling,
Then you haven’t hit the ground yet.

Breathe.

Use the time,
Maybe you’ll find a parachute in your bagpack,
Or others falling, who’ve fallen for you,

With an outstretched, helping hand.

 

 

 

In The End

tl;dr: This is your typical Linkin Park post. With a lot of personal anecdotes.

What’s strange is that my iPod nano played “In The End” yesterday evening around 9pm.

A bit of context if you’re unsure. Chester Bennington, the frontman of an American nu-metal/rock band named Linkin Park, committed suicide yesterday. You’ll find out a lot more about him and his music – even reasons for his suicide through a Google search.

A senior of mine was told to take Arabic tuitions for me when I was in Grade 5, because it was my last year learning the language – since we were moving to India at the end of the year. I visited his house daily for a week before my exams, and he taught me a lot of Arabic. Especially easy ways to remember the tough words. I was extremely grateful. Arabic was the one subject that was always below a 90 for me, and had cost me 1st place in class in Grade 4. It was brutal, but I vowed to take that 1st place back in 5th Grade.

He was playing RuneScape and listening to this song I really liked, while I did some exercises. Amidst showing me what a Coco Pops bar was, this guy told me about Linkin Park. So I went home, and instead of studying, ended up listening to the entirety of Hybrid Theory – using up all my internet time in the process. Eventually I downloaded all the songs from CoolToad, and was going to buy more Sony CD-R’s to write myself a Hybrid Theory CD for my Walkman. It was stuff of legend, and the perfect way to celebrate the end of exams. By the end of the day, I knew the entire lyrics to “In the End”, one of my favourite songs.

I went to school the next day and found out the song was quite popular at school, but, we didn’t speak about it because of the serious atmosphere around exams. On the last day of exams, and my last day as a student at Dubai Scholars, my class teacher asked me if I wanted to sing anything. If you know me now, you know my voice cracked and made me sound very besura, but I was a pretty good singer back in the day – when I was young and 10 years old.

As a young kid, I thought “In The End” had fun connotations, especially about how much effort you had to put into things you had to let go of – very reflective of leaving Dubai. So I sang that to a Class of 5th graders. Bad choices, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Before leaving the UAE, my best friend bought me my blue iPod nano. And the first song I loaded onto the iPod was “In The End”. LimeWire burst onto my laptop when I came to India, so I downloaded their entire discography till that point – including the next album “Minutes to Midnight”, and listened to it at full volume. It was then that another senior from the complex introduced me to how I could add lyrics to the song (so I could read it on my iPod), and I dutifully did that for every song I downloaded. Eventually my parents realized I was listening to music at 100 volume, and made me put a volume lock that was at 25 percent. I also promised to listen to music on speakers for as long as I could – to ensure my ears didn’t go bad. So they sat through a lot of Linkin Park with me.

My first & only Frontpage designed website – the one I did as a class project in 6th Grade, involved Linkin Park greatly. It was a website that was a Wikipedia of sorts for American rock bands – I sat & created dedicated webpages that had profiles of each individual member of a band, and linked the pages to upcoming tours of the band. Linkin Park was the first page I made, because it was the band I was the most familiar with as a youngster. And Chester, the second person. Mike Shinoda got ahead because he also had the Fort Minor project going, and that was something I really liked.

Somehow it skipped me, in Grade 6, to read up about mental health in his personal life and the meaning of Linkin Park lyrics.

When the Transformers series became cult, I was more impressed with Michael Bay for bringing LP back into the limelight. And he stuck with them movie after movie. I also stumbled upon their collaboration with Jay-Z just as I got into my rap phase, and my God was I blown away. Numb/Encore was one of my top tracks for sure. Hell, at one point, my friend & I started an account on SoundCloud or something to make Linkin Park covers. The idea was also to make a YouTube channel where we played FIFA 08 to Linkin Park covers of our own. Insane ideas we never acted upon once the voice started to crack.

I didn’t like their subsequent releases, I’ll be frank. But I never let go of their music. Atleast 300MB of a 4GB iPod consists of Linkin Park. So yesterday’s news hit me hard.

A lot of people have brought to the fore how we don’t pay attention to mental health even though we lose celebrities to mental health issues. I’m surprised we need more deaths to teach us that mental health is important, and issues pertaining to mental health shouldn’t carry any social stigma with them.

I’ve never understood suicide. Sociology class tried explaining some theory behind it, but I’ll be frank. It’s a very complex emotion, to say the least. Our pop culture & our readings attempt to showcase suicide for what it is. To start some conversation. But it phases out – just like all news does.

I spent an evening on Genius verified lyrics looking at Linkin Park lyrics. Some themes I’m still getting over.

Rest in Peace, Chester Bennington. You brought to life a lot of the music I grew up listening to. I always wanted to attend a Linkin Park show live. And I always wanted to ask you how you managed some of the things you managed (like the insane vocals on Papercut, or One Step Closer, or even the long stretch you hold your voice for on In The End).

 

Force of Habit

I find it strange that for a species that has constantly been pushing boundaries forward and venturing into the unknown, we find so much solace and comfort in habits. It’s also very weird how these habits develop, and how easy it is to get one ingrained into your system.

For example, till last month, I religiously woke up at 8:07AM every morning. Or 7:30AM, if I had the willpower to run in the morning. 8:07 was a deliberate decision – that optimal time between when the washroom is crowded enough so you can ask someone else if there is hot water (or mentally prepare yourself for the worst shock), but not crowded enough that you’re seeing someone else’s toothpaste foaming before you. The hostel’s waking up at 8:07. Everyone’s alarm is going off, which is also a good way to catch up with pop culture – because alarms are representative of the most “in-demand” tune at the moment. All in all, a wonderful time to wake up.

It took me 3 days to break out of 8:07, and push back to 7:40 (on days when I sleep through the 7AM alarms). My body now wills itself to wake up because it believes it should respond to messages and read some news. 3 days to break a habit that was a result of experimentation in first year, and has matured over 2 years. That’s an awfully short time.

But let’s talk about other peculiarities. I sit only on the left edge of a three-seated bench. As a consequence, the discomfort of sitting anywhere else in class plays around with my perception of the class. I am more likely to doze off to sleep when I’m sitting in a seat that isn’t mine. I am also more likely to continuously shift around, in an attempt to find that perfect balance of “enough desk to support my elbow” and “enough elbow to elbow room”. A result of being left-handed, I need to ensure my elbow gets enough place to support my southpaw, and that I don’t piss off my neighbours by wrecking their delightfully neat notebooks.

I also sit next to the same two people everyday, something that has also evolved over 2 years. What began as the result of three people refusing to give up in classes that were undeniably boring has become companionship I cherish. The bench I look to share pieces of good news with first, aside from my debating partner & other friends. The bench that creates the lamest jokes in class. But also the bench that is able to find that balance between zoning out and engaging with the Professor sufficiently – such that you’re never in anyone’s bad books. It’s also the bench that’s helped me make a somewhat triumphant return to maintaining my attendance percentages.

Which leads me to my mini-conclusion, I guess.

We find comfort in habits because they’re the only things that help us remain sane in an ever-changing world.

Profound enough?

No?

I’ll explain. See, over the last semester, the one thing I’ve sort of figured is that reclusing into a mind cave is a bad idea. But speaking more generally, you’re likely to face a multitude of challenges and emotions on a day-to-day basis. Habit helps you cope with changing emotions by providing a familiar environment.

Also helps give your body some rhythm. All about that healthy living, folks.

I understand the writing has dipped in quality. Call it the lean July period. Blame my internship. Blame 3000 for making me use all the words in my dictionary on a daily basis. Just, don’t blame me.

Cities

My roommate quipped today that there was an air of sophistication he had seen that comes with people from cities – especially people from metropolitan cities. I didn’t quite understand what he meant by this, so I asked him to tell me why he felt this way. For a minute, I thought that perhaps he meant it in the way we spoke – using big words where they aren’t necessary. Or perhaps he meant it in the way cityfolk carry themselves – a stupid air of superiority, often without any basis.

He responded, chuckling.

“The insects man. I’ve seen so many of these in Assam. And I can’t do anything about them. You seem so distracted by their existence.”

That’s the air of sophistication, really. The fact that the tiny details annoy people from cities.

I’ve lived a pretty urban lifestyle – what, spending 10 years in Dubai, and then 8 in Bengaluru, before landing up somewhere between Ahmedabad and Gandhinagar. And he’s right. Being privileged enough to live a life filled with a lot of luxuries means becoming dependent on those luxuries. Quite often, that line of being dependent on those luxuries become habitual. And that habit prevents you from looking at the bigger picture.

My roommate can continue to work on what he’s working on when our room is getting infested by insects – some of which come in shapes that are definitely not naturally occurring. He’s able to zone the insects out and focus on the bigger picture.

While I will run away from my room to the library. Infestations really aren’t my thing.

I understand that the general quality of pieces is declining, but hey. Atleast I’m writing. 🙂

Weekends

Waking up is hard to do on weekends, especially on weekends that don’t have any deadlines, or important work to be done.

This weekend was one of those. If you’ve followed this blog for long enough, you know that my year goes crazy after the first couple of weeks – with activities every single day and whatnot. So having a weekend where all I’ve done is sleep is quite divine.

Although, I must admit – I have gotten bored. It isn’t easy to sit wrapped up in your rug reading a book and using your phone all weekend. What’s worse is that I repeatedly forgot to make myself Rasam, and my general health deteriorated into a cold/sore throat thing. Over the weekend I read Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance – a book I’ve give 3*’s to on Zomato, and on my 2017 Reading Challenge, largely because it managed to make a slow weekend slower. I’m sure it’s one of those books you learn more about every time you read it however, and I’m somewhat certain I’ll give it a rave review in a year or something. Time changes your perception of things around you.

Might I also use this opportunity to tell you about my dislike of the rain. It’s been raining intermittently in Gujarat for the past two days. While I appreciate what it’s doing for the temperature & for the farmers, I’m not at all stoked about having to wear nice sandals until the mess to get my feet wet. Nor am I appreciative of having to shut my windows and suffocating in humidity. You think 2 monsoons in Gujarat would help me acclimatise. You’re wrong.

Let’s look forward to what next week holds, shall we? Apart from 5 days of lectures, I’m eager to start work on a new project under a Professor. Hopefully it leads to some interesting research outcomes, or atleast me learning new Law. Also, intra-moot season is on – so learning new Law for that. Whatay fun.

This third-year thing is finally hitting me, although some first years are my age. I think it’s the Law subjects. Professors are finally ensuring we read the Bare text of the Act, something that hasn’t been emphasised before at University. There’s also a lot more happening per class – in terms of the matter that’s being covered. So missing class isn’t a great idea.

More nerd things have been accomplished this weekend, but I’m too lazy to write about them. Still trying to get back the mojo and will to write daily. Hopefully that’ll come back this week too.

Also, Happy Birthday to a junior of mine who read this blog since I started posting updates on Twitter. His feedback has meant a great deal, and knowing that he’s able to relate to what I write has made me want to write more. Law school’s a rough place, dude. I’m praying you don’t become one of the cynics we have around here.

 

 

Give Me Rasam

It starts with an itch,
A scratch on the inside of your throat.
You swallow,
Causing a rapid contraction &
Expansion of muscles along your foodpipe,
Easing your fears.

It starts with uneasiness,
A little shifting in your seat,
Some water to cool yourself,
But alas!
You have had cold water.

It ends with a cough,
A popping of your ears,
The filling of your sinuses,
The wet feeling of your tears.

When you long for rasam, and it is,
Farther than it is near,
And you long for soup,
Not tomato, just clear.

When you long for your comforter,
The warmth of your bed,
And you see your mother tucking you in,
But it’s all in your head.

Delhi-Gate

You will, I am hoping, at some point, recognize that I have made a very good pun at the title of this blog entry.

Over the last three days, I went to Delhi & attended an Model UN Conference, my first in nearly two years. The objective was simple: Win. The Conference had a cash prize unlike anything else I had seen before, and Model UN was something I reasonably enjoyed during my school days, so why not? Also, I got to take a good trip to Delhi, a place I had fallen in love with in November 2016 & maybe even meet with seniors. The best part of all this: I was going to be with friends.

If you knew me between Grade 9 and Grade 12, especially at Inventure, you would associate Nerd very easily with me, and as a consequence, associate Model UN with me. I doubt this was helped very much by the fact that during one Assembly, to get registrations for InMUN, I went up on stage and screamed “M-U-N is F-U-N”, a mantra that guided me in most of my undertakings between those 4 years.

Thursdays used to be PODs days, and learning the art of MUN and reading the news with a more nuanced eye took nearly a year. Understanding foreign policy is something that takes a lifetime, but by Grade 10, I began to feel confident enough to speak about international affairs with my parents. Especially my dad. He was always eager about how I had taken to the activity, and started prodding bits of international relations into our daily Skype calls. Quite excellent.

I participated in Model UN because I enjoyed research work and reading. MUN research was the easiest way to sit on my beanbag, open my laptop, and occasionally play FIFA, or surf the Internet. More often, however, I was on Wikipedia, the world’s gift to itself & the starting point of any research I do, even today. I’ll admit this without shame.

The Bengaluru MUN circuit is distinctly divided into two parts, per my belief. One was the old/city circuit – where Model UN had birthed in the city, and the side of town that had all the established MUNers, with all the MUN conferences. Then there was my part of the city. That thing that just cropped up as a result of urbanization, with 5 neighbouring schools participating in fests where they regularly competed amongst themselves and nobody else.

The old circuit was where everything happened. You heard of legends who walked into committee without research binders and managed to win Best Delegate, heroes who rallied troops during unmoderated caucuses and brought committee toward a unanimous resolution, and superheroes who were DPRK or Israel and beared the fury of the International Press without flinching.

Being on the other side of town, and as a result of the power rankings that determine the countries delegations are allotted, I spent most MUNs in relative obscurity, representing nations such as Rwanda in General Assemblies, where recognition ended up becoming a massive issue and I wielded no bloc formation power. Nonetheless, I devoted myself to my research and motored on, in the hope that one day I’d understand how to be better at the activity. Dutifully, I carried printouts of evidence I could submit to Executive Boards whenever I was called upon (if I alleged something), and divided my binder into three parts: one per agenda, and one for general country information.

I attended a Conference in Hyderabad, and firsthand experienced the potential to network, as I made friends from around the world. As a result of the Hyderabad experience, I became closer to juniors at school, understood their stories, and was taught about the art of persistence. Being away from home and having a bad day with committee just meant inflicting self-hate, thinking about how unwisely your parents had spent their money, or otherwise, how unenjoyable the experience was slowly becoming.

But the good Conferences, my God.  The romanticism attached to Model UNs really stood out. All delegates were well-researched, as was the Executive Board. The Board recognized all delegates equally. Unmoderated caucuses involved very little yelling, and a lot of discussion on how to make committee move forward. Breaks in session were meant for socializing – making friends who you’d meet later on at some other MUN Conference. Breaks were also meant for pep talks – a bit of gyaan from senior delegates to motivate the first-timers, some enthusiasm to get everyone’s adrenaline rushing, and general inside jokes that would become a part of a delegation’s identity.

I loved Model UN for these reasons and more. Without the activity, I wouldn’t have read the newspaper outside of the Sports section. Without the activity, I wouldn’t have realized how much public speaking meant to me. And far more importantly, without the activity, I would have been left in the wrong MUN circuit, confining myself to a locality I was comfortable with. I wouldn’t have met friends across the city, nor would I have known people from different schools. All of that would have meant a gaping hole in my already basic level understanding of Bengaluru.

That would have been most depressing.

I went to Delhi with the hope of experiencing similar emotions. I told myself that in a phase where I devote my time to moots and debates, amongst much else, I’d re-discover my love for Model UN. I left, starry-eyed, and research on my laptop – for the first time. I had never used laptops in session before.

What I discovered was that the reconstruction of a romantic activity will never yield the same emotion.

Attending a Conference in a circuit I was unexposed to meant ‘fitting in’ to the culture of the circuit. And I couldn’t. I could not, for the life of me, over three days of session, give up the ideals of the Bengaluru circuit. Consequently, I did not win an award, and I was extremely disappointed with myself.

Over the course of Day 1, I realized I wasn’t enjoying committee at all. I made a valiant attempt to enjoy Day 2, speaking and raising my placard everytime motions & points were sought. However, my inability to speak the way other delegates did made it impossible to get recognized. Day 3 was just boredom. Paperwork and whatnot.

I persisted through all of this because I was desperate to relive what I had felt when I MUNed in Grade 9. I also continued till the end of the Conference because I was surrounded by incredible people, three to four of whom I am closer with today, than I was on Friday.

I am, however, unlikely to Model UN in Delhi in the recent future. Which is a sad thought.

What Delhi did give me, however, was two nights with friends, one night with seniors, and three days of continuous motivation from people via text. (Thanks, 3000)

Back to Khakhraland and Fafdadventures now.

 

 

 

Pluck

This is a daily prompt that a friend suggested looking up, and while at first, I was rather intrigued, I was extremely unconvinced I could pull this off. Especially after seeing that the word of the day was pluck.

I started off writing “Pluck, go the strings of my heart”. This was intended as a piece about how the piano has never been an instrument I have loved inherently, but an instrument I have grown to admire. It was also meant to be a piece about how I’ve been desirous of learning the guitar, to the extent that I have a left-handed guitar sitting at home, but I haven’t had the courage to get it to University. I was also, at some point going to discuss how I wanted to learn the violin, and I’m hoping to learn the violin someday. There were going to be multiple layers of reference to how the strings of my heart loosely relate to my relationship with string instruments, and how there are things that tug at the strings of my heart – each time that I look back on things I have failed to do. Upon thinking about this elaborate plot for 5 minutes, I got down to business, composed 500 words, and then deleted all of them because I felt like someone would feel I was writing a love song when I was not.

Then I went and I saw posts that people posted using this particular daily prompt. I came across some fabulous pieces (all here: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pluck/), till I clicked on this link: https://juantetcts.wordpress.com/2017/07/05/daily-post-137/ and I saw this incredible Buddha quote.

So I thought maybe I could model a piece around that for the day. And I figured I could talk about how University is this unrelenting experience of discovering what you love, because instead of plucking at things, or letting go of things, rather, what you’re doing is watering and setting the foundation for the plant that is the rest of your life. I was going to include a few jokes and some incredible philosophy about how we do this at every single moment: in that every moment is this fantastic learning experience that somehow adds up. At some point I wanted to talk about Physics, for it’s one of the only things I’ve been forced into and absolutely, completely detested (and then loved).

Then I realized that Buddha quote had the word love too. And that this post also had the likelihood of being perceived as something it was not.

At some point I wrote 200 words and deleted them.

Ultimately I had nothing remotely exciting to talk about today, so I decided to chronicle my creative process of using the backspace button, and also discovering that Ctrl+A (select all) is the toughest combination of keys to reach from the typical typists position: using your little finger for Ctrl & your fourth finger for A. The next letter I pressed was Delete.

I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get over my brain thinking every post will be perceived in a way it isn’t meant to be. And perhaps I’ll have interesting things to share.

I’m also attending an MUN in Delhi this weekend, my first MUN after two whole years. To say I am excited is an understatement.