Category: 2019

The consequences of everything I did are consequences I am scared of, but are the consequences I must face. There are hits I’m taking. At the moment I am incredibly grateful for my parents’ support through all this. They’re reminding me about ownership and responsibility, and that is all that matters to me at the moment. And learning.

I’ve made mistakes over the last day and a half. I’m uncertain how to come to terms with them – because they feel very uncharacteristic of me. I would rather not blog about them, but that would be dishonest. I will tell you this, however, world: I’m going to confront these errors I’ve committed. I’m distraught at the moment, but I’m apologetic, and I’m going to take some time to work on becoming better.

The blogging might stop for a few days as a result, but I will upload media that I find fascinating, that I wish to share with you.

In the interim, I’m recording my thoughts on Word and I’ll upload them onto the internet in due course.

Today was a better day than yesterday because no tabs crashed, our tournament ran on time, and we pulled off TGD the way TGD is meant to be pulled off. For all of that and more – including the kindest gifts from amazing juniors, and a farewell performance that is indescribable, I am grateful to this University.

I will miss these people when I leave, and I will miss this place.

Today has been an absolutely awful day, so I’m not going to write much. Personal downsides aside, the server (heroku) that ran Tabbycat, the software we were tabulating on, crashed. Right when we generated the draw for our second round. Now I’m not sure if this makes any sense to a non-debater, but we essentially lost one round of scoring and data on the internet, thanks to my reliance exclusively on the internet.

I feel awful, and although we’ve now created a plan for tomorrow and we’ve rebooted the tournament on a software that is designed to work offline, and is a software I am extremely comfortable with, I am scared, and feel horrible at the moment.

One day to go. The OLT’s are coming here, and they’re coming hard and fast at us. We’ve just spent the evening with the beautiful tabbycat, setting up for what should be an excellent tournament for everyone in my batch.

To everyone that made it through 5 editions: congratulations. We’re here.

I took a day off from University today to understand the intricacies of a tabbing/tabulation system I wanted to ensure I got to terms with prior to the beginning of our annual debating tournament. I really love numbers, and participating in tabulation/scoring activities have given me the opportunity to go through my time at University fully immersed in statistics. Of course, it isn’t the same as having the opportunity to study Math everyday, but the limited engagement I get is enough for me to sustain an interest in its academic study.

Subreddits on the beauty of data, and following sports in general add to that engagement. I do really miss numbers in my daily life. They used to be so integral (see what I did there) to my daily schedule every single day at school. Not only because of the number of hours we spent with them – through all my Sciences and even a bit in Economics, but also through the hours I spent poring over past papers and question sets. It’s no wonder I attempted to convince my parents to allow me to study for a BSc somewhere in the middle of my second year. I’m glad they showed me reason at the time.

Eventually I do hope I get the chance to return to working with numbers one day. Till then, tabbycat, you are my only friend.

Today was productive. I slept in class – not because I had a sleep-deficit, but because I wished to sleep. I paid attention and took notes in classes I wanted to.

But post-class I had a ball. I know I’ve been gushing about this new timetable, but really – it is marvelous. Post 3 I worked on a bunch of things I wanted to finish before the day was done.

At night I met with some people I wanted to meet for Debate work. That debating mood is really sinking in now, which is marvelous. People in my batch are working around getting things set up for that and figuring out how exactly to pass on information to juniors. It’s going to be wicked seeing how they take the tournament forward. I still remember being asked by RG to do some kutti t-shirts work in my first year. It was my first interaction with him, and TGD weekend has been a highlighted memory ever since.

In other news my electricity ports are fixed now, so I can work out of my room like I did earlier. If I figure out the laundry system on campus (for ironing), my life will be wholesome again.

Today was a good day, right up till the end. I floated around campus post lunch, moving around from the library to my room, and past the mess and the multipurpose store quite a few times – which made me feel like a first/second year again. I think it was in my third year that I started to plan my day based on the economics of how much I would have to walk that day. The lazies got to me. But I’ve changed now; time has come full circle, and I I’m not too bothered by having to walk around because my day takes me places. A large part of this is due to the fact that my laptop is the lightest its ever been, and I’m more okay lugging this around anywhere than I’ve been in past years.

It also reminded me of how lost I was on this campus in my first few days here. I was willing to go anywhere and see anything on campus (not like there’s a whole amount), but if you told me to do tasks at multiple locations – I’d be game for it. I wouldn’t feel the crushing weight of walking in the humidity. I’d just feel the joy of being here. I’m experiencing that these days more than ever, and I think my body is glad for it. Walking is good exercise.

I also debated after absolute ages on campus. By which I mean the first time in this semester. It was also the first time I interacted with a first year – and that’s something I’ve been trying to do since I got back. Debating was really, really fun – not just because we debated after a while, but also because all the 5th years came. At some point or the other, we were in and around each other and around debating again. It’s what this entire weekend is going to be and I’m so unbelievably excited for it.

So yes, all was well. Till I returned to my room and discovered the electricity ports had stopped working.

I will now try to fix it, and pray the electrician comes tomorrow, while conserving battery everywhere on campus barring the library.

And we’re back to another week of classes, which means I’ve now completed a whole week of being at University as a fifth year. Today we had another synopsis due, which has meant a barrage of fifth years in the library, hunched over their laptops, figuring out how to best procrastinate the work, yet to ensure submission by midnight – before the deadline elapses. Some useful tips for this: take a bath. You’ll feel refreshed also, before you work.  I don’t think we’ve been this serious as a batch about any of our internal evaluation submissions. That’s saying something.

This week also marks the build-up to the intervarsity debate we host on campus. For me, it’s one of the years’ highlights. The mood is chill, the weather is great, and we always end up creating a memory around that edition. One year it was dinner unavailability, another, it was having to shift around logistics because it was absolutely pouring. Its a wild time on campus, and nothing ever compares. That’s because no amount of planning can lead to a glitchless TGD, which means for the three days, most people are on their toes. Logistics does a fab job of this. I’m usually on the tab team, and I am this year as well – which means my role is slightly restrictive, but, I’m looking forward to the entire tournament this year. It will be our OLTGD, so we should enjoy it. By all means.

In other news, mess food is back to being intriguing in taste. That wouldn’t have been a problem had I not experienced eating my own food for a month. See, when I made food, I knew what was going into it. So even when it tasted off, or it tasted funny, I could justify why it tasted that way – or what weird powder combination had ended up in an odd-tasting curry, or a bland, saltless dal. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of mess food. Never fear, for I think mess food must be enjoyed this year as well. It will be another 6 months before we are free of the Mohani chains for a while – and thus, must appreciate the nourishment they provide while we can. For me, I think my strategy is going to boil down to portion control. And mixing it up by ensuring I’m eating different things at each meal (versus dal and rice when I get bored of the food).

There’s no complaint here. I am zen.

Contrary to everything I posted yesterday, today, I spent my entire day in my room. Sundays I think are meant for that. Not having to stir much out of the bed, but still managing to get things done.

One of my goals for this academic year is to get back into cultivating habits I’m desirous of carrying forth beyond my University years and out into the real world. These include how I’d like to be in more control of my time right from the start of the day – instead of gaining control only around 7pm-8pm and working really well at night to finish off everything I’d like to before sleeping. Another one is to get back into the habit of making music, and spending time with my music the way I used to before school.

The one thing I’m pleased with is that my love for music hasn’t diminished. Just the way I engage with it has now changed. I like finding new pieces of music, so I strive to listen to new songs everyday, only slipping into loops and old habits when I’m working so I can revel in the comfort of known lyrics and tunes to hum along to while focusing on getting things done. But there’s a different kind of thrill that comes with figuring out a tune that you like, and knowing that it’s your own work that’s going into it.

I remembered last evening that there were a few juniors who were interested in similar things, and called one of my friends to my room to chill and figure out how to actually go about making this happen. I can’t describe to you what it’s like to find someone who shares similar music tastes and interests as you. I experienced it once back in Grade 11, which led to one of the most wholesome friendships I’ve ever had. I’m hopeful that this project will allow me to make music that helps me remember my University when I leave.

Other than that, I spent the evening doing mundane things like laundry and setting up for the week.

I spent my day at the library today, getting things done. It’s final year, which is giving me added motivation to spend my days outside my room. Fourth year got a little uncomfortable in multiple ways, but everyone is more chill this year. I am too. Plus, the library has AC, so rediscovering its comfort is something I’m keen on doing. I know my semester and year has only started, but I want to make sure I’m always aware of the fact this is my final year as an Undergraduate student – so I can make the most of every minute I spend here.

The library is a great place for that. It’s seen some of my favourite memories from the past four years. I feel safe there. Always have. It’s my favourite place to be when it rains on campus,  because you’re shielded from the sound and sight of the rain – which makes you feel like it isn’t too mucky outside.

If only it was closer to the hostel.