Category: Blog

While chatting with a friend this evening, I was not so subtly reminded I was more than 2 weeks without a blogpost. That’s not a feeling I want to delve into too much. Essentially, I got caught up debating and practicing for debates, while working out some stuff for examinations (which I’m in the middle of right now), and losing a whole bunch of sleep to other activities I do. A couple of updates on my personal life shall be left out of the blog for a bit. (not that you would’ve known anyway)

Today’s entire post will be devoted to the experience that was debating in Manipal, a town in Karnataka. Manipal is essentially a town built around a University, the Manipal University, with colleges affiliated to it teaching a range of disciplines. That entire concept is something I’ve never been exposed to earlier, so to get a first-hand insight into what that’s like was something I really loved.

As a direct consequence of being a University town, there are very few adults around the entire city. It’s quite likely that any adults you meet are affiliated to the University in some capacity: be it as alumni, faculty, or even administrative and allied staff. It’s ridiculously cool. Everyone there is there to study. A town full of nerds. The best kind of town.

Atleast that’s what I thought, for a bit. Student culture, however, is a beast of its own. There are enough parties to go around, enough substances, and a beach 15 minutes away from the town. Additionally, there are some mindblowing places to eat. Apart from an INOX where you can watch your favourite movies, Manipal boasts of a Onesta and a Barbeque Nation. This post would also be incomplete without talking about Manipal Fried Chicken, or MFC. Situated right outside the MIT Main Gate, MFC serves up KFC rip-offs, right to the Krushers, which, on the menu, feature original KFC images. Copyrights? Trademarks? Who cares.

So they city, in itself, has a very laid-back vibe to it. Shrek and I were speaking about this throughout. It’s so different from being on a residential campus studying with competitive individuals. The entire atmosphere here, at University, for me, adds an unnecessary layer of pressure to perform. One that I don’t agree with, but one that I’m unable to shrug off too easily. Manipal has enough competent, competitive individuals, I’m sure, but the fact that the entire city is built around the student experience, so to speak, means that everyone’s also very relaxed about how stuff works.

Several people live in hostels – which are insanely good, in comparison to the ones we live in. AC’s and all they have. What luxuries. Apart from that, however, enough individuals go out and stay in apartments of their own. Which means home food and the opportunity to order in (some amazing biryani) whenever you want. Most apartments too, really seem to care about your student experience. They come pre-furnished with most amenities, including a washing machine and geysers – so you’re rarely going to struggle.

Also, turning for a second to darker things. Considering it’s a student town and substance abuse is not something that can be checked in apartments, the builders/plot developers place stringent conditions on entry/exit & the number of guests you can host from outside of Manipal. We ended up leaving our ID cards from wherever we went, almost as collateral of some kind.

I loved every minute of being there. It’s such a princely life.

The people make it better. What a city. In 3 days I spent there, I didn’t meet a single individual who wasn’t willing to help us out. From helping out when my accommodation went to the dogs (by allowing Shrek & I to crash at their apartment), to excitedly asking about rounds at the end of each round, and to chilling with us when we could have gotten bored (and then coming for dinner with us), both Shrek and I got to meet friends of ours whom we grew up with. A massive thank you to everyone who helped us out man. Manipal isn’t the same without you guys. And I’m sure we’ll be back soon. Shrek may even take to festing just to return there.

But, more importantly, the weekend taught me so much about who friends I could rely upon were. I’m an individual who opens up slowly, but when I do open up, I place a lot of trust on people. To see people I grew up with let me down so massively sucked. I thought about this a lot, and then I wondered why I expected anything at all. When you’re friends with people, I think it’s also very important to get out of the mentality that they’ll reciprocate your exact feelings for them. Maybe this is true for all relationships. The entire let-down made me realize that I’d lose an essential part of me if I stopped trusting friends, and I’m likely to get shut down a bunch as a result. But it isn’t worth compromising on an integral part of who I am.

Damn this post got profound.

Time for some chilling. It’s exam season, which means cravings have hit their peak. Right now, I’m devouring Yellow Pure Magic sleeves, and am desirous of Cup Noodles. The multipurpose provision store that was on campus shut down, so it’s no longer a hop & a stone’s throw away.

I’m likely to use BigBasket soon. Exams aren’t the same without the smell of MSG (by which I mean Messenger of God, of course). Really need all the prayers & luck to do well on the exams.

More writing tomorrow. Genuinely. I’m going to nerd out and write about books, I think.

Mosarannaout

Half the world away,
Yet your presence feels near because of the,
‘Good morning’, and the,
‘Have a great day’.
The,
5-minute conversations,
A general reminder to have meals on time,
A question about the weather,
A ‘Bye’,
That leaves me, amidst grey corridors,
Wondering when I’ll be home next,
To sit on the blue beanbag on my room,
Look at that red and gold wall in our hall,
A feeling that leaves me momentarily when,
I return to my room and scroll through 19 years of
Photographs,
A book,
Resting on my bed,
Fully aware that the sun will rise tomorrow,
And you will each independently message me a
‘Good morning’, and a
‘Have a great day’,
Though you are next to each other,
And I’m half the world away.

 

 

Always stop and consider the effect of the words you use on other individuals. I can’t give you a large narrative about this takeaway from life. But it’s important for everyone to understand. Sometimes we forget about looking at things from other people’s lenses, and often that leads to us saying things that may hurt other people, or make them feel negative about themselves. While slip-ups in conversation do take place, and you can recognize and correct these slip-ups, sometimes people let you off the hook. They let you off the hook because they think it’s a one-time thing. It’s quite possible that that part of your life gets normalized, and its a situation you’d best try avoiding.

Often because, in the most extreme cases, I think a large part of not being considerate leads to uninformed public opinions you feel strongly about, some form of discrimination – whether casual/unintentional, or intentional. Or using words you don’t fully understand the connotations of. Words that remain in people’s memories long after they’ve left the confines of your tongue.

I guess it’s important to be considerate also because of the distance words can create, or the distance words have the ability to bridge. Over the course of the year, I’ve become more comfortable writing on this blog – even though I know my family members read it, because sometimes, it’s like the distance between Bengaluru and Gandhinagar doesn’t exist, or even that the distance between Dubai and Gandhinagar doesn’t exist. My parents are able to look at pieces I write and somehow, know what to say to me. If this is the effect of the written word, think about the effect of spoken words on individuals who you see face-to-face.

Use your words wisely. As humans, we’ve been smart enough to create languages. Use your words well. Use them not to hate, but to convince. Use them not to polarize, but to create dialogue. Incentivize people to not just listen to your bellowing voice, but to actually hear what you have to say. I think that’s important.

Also, in other news. I think a portion of this blog, or another blog may be in the works soon. A blog that charts my reading progress & offers literary opinion on things I read. Whether poetry or prose. Writing has been this great source of comfort in 2017. Reading is just something I love. Seeing if it’s something I can reasonably commit to. Also, an advantage of this is that I’ll be able to see the originality of thought and interpretation – and also get more discussion in on people’s ideas about what I’m presently reading. All of this is inspired by one of my newfound friends, one who’s presence I’m deeply grateful for. Long may our exchange of Literature continue, friend.

Bloody hell, it’s begun to rain again. Sometimes the unproductivity really gets to me.

Curdrice out.

Ah, classes were cancelled today. The euphoria of that knowledge was far more than I anticipated. And the nostalgia trip I went on was also something that I didn’t expect. In my first year, classes were cancelled for 3 days because of the rains, and 2 days because of other unfortunate circumstances.

The rains finally provided a day off, the only thing I was genuinely looking forward to. I woke up to the news that classes were starting at 11, and then awoke at 10.15 to get ready, thankfully checking WhatsApp again & finding out this brilliant piece of news. Subsequently, I took a bath and went back to sleep, accomplishing nothing productive till after 2 pm. It was a truly great day.

Today, I read a book 3000 recommended to me, and honestly, it was one of the best decisions I made. I really enjoy the way people suggest books to you based on their interaction with you and their understanding of your preferences. First, it shows how much people care, but, second, I think people are brilliant judges of preferences – and that means you’re going to find books you love. Also, you get to understand the sort of things another person is interested in. Books and music, for me, are two examples of things that convey parts of a personality like very few other things can.

The book I read today was thankfully also coupled with a marvellous playlist I found on YouTube, one that provided brilliant accompaniment to a book I kept scrolling through on my laptop. For me, reading away is not a feeling I can compare to anything else. Each time I read a book, I’m blown away by how little I know. I’m also simultaneously blown away by all the creativity and the stories that exist in this world, stories that remain unspoken and creativity that isn’t tapped into because of societal pressures, amongst other things.

It’s rather sad.

The other wonderful thing about today was the time I spent with Shrek. Shrek is a rare breed. To the outside world, he’s this tough beast. Inside, he is a softie. Conversations with him are always wonderful ways to reflect upon decisions I’m taking and things I’m doing. In a competitive environment like Law school, having him around is a blessing. One day I will find a way to pay him back for all this comfort he’s able to provide just by listening to things I have to say and being receptive to new ideas I put across to him. The camaraderie of an Indian hostel is one that I don’t think you’ll find anywhere else. Maybe it’s the fact that we share toilets.

So here’s to you, Shrek. And to you, 3000.

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, I fell asleep in class today. In just one class, but the first class of the year I have fallen asleep in. Which brings back several memories of countless posts which exist on this blog about the “falling asleep” syndrome, and my attempts to combat the feeling.

It’s been a month since I left Bengaluru for Gandhinagar, from when I swapped out my beanbag for my black chair, and the comfort of being the only one in my room for the comfort of having someone to return to the room to. It helps massively having a roommate, especially one who is outside the friends circle I usually hang out with, and one who always has stories to share. Looking back, it’s been an insane month – I’ve discovered feelings I had previously only read about, managed to read a whole lot (but not enough; never enough), and managed to get myself to the Gujarat High Court. These are particular highlights.

The month has also helped create opinions about each class I sit in. I’m very aware of the classes I will wake up for, and the classes I need someone to tell me to get to. One of my closest friends has had to head home for surgery (hope you don’t get fat, bro), which acts as extra motivation to get myself to class – he’ll need the notes as well. But with Professors who act like schoolteachers, it gets increasingly tough to pay attention.

It’s also been raining for 4 days continuously. I detest the rain – but what this weather has given me, for the first time, is an opportunity to unwind, and an excuse to cuddle up into my blanket and lie down – without regret. It’s excellent. I’m sleeping a lot more than I have before, a very healthy way to live, but I’m also very relaxed about things I’m doing in life. A far cry from the stress I took upon myself last semester.

Today marks 2 years since my first day in classes. It’s quite beautiful that it’s raining like this. My first day on the GNLU campus as a GNLU student was marred with rains – my mother left me as it began to pour, and as I felt a few tears form on my cheek & the song “Maa” from Taare Zameen Par play. As it rained, I asked my roommate if he’d accompany me to the MPS to help me buy a mattress. And together, we sprinted in the rain & got a mattress for me to sleep on.

It was also in this sort of torrential rain that I had my first college debate, the activity that has introduced me to my closest set of friends. Friends, I am the most comfortable with, because I know arguing with them is a daily exercise, and disagreeing is a passion they share as much as I do. It’s also the only activity at University where I have seen individuals change – from being reserved, to being outspoken, from having reservations, to being open-minded: because what debating does, is allow for creative, impromptu dialogue. And no other form of dialogue reveals the layers of experiences individuals hold to them.

Which reminds me, I should go prep. The blog is returning – I’ve finally managed to pen a piece about my daily thoughts & ramblings! Quite excited.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

 

 

Two discussions in two days,
On how scratches and bruises have,
Created tears and wounds that,
Haven’t clotted before you dropped.

And how,
In a matter of minutes,
The world has turned upside down,
Seconds stretching to years,
Free-falling into chaos.

What then?
Breathe.

The world may be spinning,
But,
Tap your head,
Blink a couple of times,
And look at what’s around you.

If you’re falling,
Then you’ve been at the top, so,
Remember the birds’-eye view you got from up there,
And know that you got there yourself.

If you’re falling,
Look down at what you’re falling into,
Face it head on,
For you might be able to navigate yourself to a patch of grass,
And roll into a comfortable landing.

If you’re falling,
Then you haven’t hit the ground yet.

Breathe.

Use the time,
Maybe you’ll find a parachute in your bagpack,
Or others falling, who’ve fallen for you,

With an outstretched, helping hand.

 

 

 

tl;dr: This is your typical Linkin Park post. With a lot of personal anecdotes.

What’s strange is that my iPod nano played “In The End” yesterday evening around 9pm.

A bit of context if you’re unsure. Chester Bennington, the frontman of an American nu-metal/rock band named Linkin Park, committed suicide yesterday. You’ll find out a lot more about him and his music – even reasons for his suicide through a Google search.

A senior of mine was told to take Arabic tuitions for me when I was in Grade 5, because it was my last year learning the language – since we were moving to India at the end of the year. I visited his house daily for a week before my exams, and he taught me a lot of Arabic. Especially easy ways to remember the tough words. I was extremely grateful. Arabic was the one subject that was always below a 90 for me, and had cost me 1st place in class in Grade 4. It was brutal, but I vowed to take that 1st place back in 5th Grade.

He was playing RuneScape and listening to this song I really liked, while I did some exercises. Amidst showing me what a Coco Pops bar was, this guy told me about Linkin Park. So I went home, and instead of studying, ended up listening to the entirety of Hybrid Theory – using up all my internet time in the process. Eventually I downloaded all the songs from CoolToad, and was going to buy more Sony CD-R’s to write myself a Hybrid Theory CD for my Walkman. It was stuff of legend, and the perfect way to celebrate the end of exams. By the end of the day, I knew the entire lyrics to “In the End”, one of my favourite songs.

I went to school the next day and found out the song was quite popular at school, but, we didn’t speak about it because of the serious atmosphere around exams. On the last day of exams, and my last day as a student at Dubai Scholars, my class teacher asked me if I wanted to sing anything. If you know me now, you know my voice cracked and made me sound very besura, but I was a pretty good singer back in the day – when I was young and 10 years old.

As a young kid, I thought “In The End” had fun connotations, especially about how much effort you had to put into things you had to let go of – very reflective of leaving Dubai. So I sang that to a Class of 5th graders. Bad choices, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Before leaving the UAE, my best friend bought me my blue iPod nano. And the first song I loaded onto the iPod was “In The End”. LimeWire burst onto my laptop when I came to India, so I downloaded their entire discography till that point – including the next album “Minutes to Midnight”, and listened to it at full volume. It was then that another senior from the complex introduced me to how I could add lyrics to the song (so I could read it on my iPod), and I dutifully did that for every song I downloaded. Eventually my parents realized I was listening to music at 100 volume, and made me put a volume lock that was at 25 percent. I also promised to listen to music on speakers for as long as I could – to ensure my ears didn’t go bad. So they sat through a lot of Linkin Park with me.

My first & only Frontpage designed website – the one I did as a class project in 6th Grade, involved Linkin Park greatly. It was a website that was a Wikipedia of sorts for American rock bands – I sat & created dedicated webpages that had profiles of each individual member of a band, and linked the pages to upcoming tours of the band. Linkin Park was the first page I made, because it was the band I was the most familiar with as a youngster. And Chester, the second person. Mike Shinoda got ahead because he also had the Fort Minor project going, and that was something I really liked.

Somehow it skipped me, in Grade 6, to read up about mental health in his personal life and the meaning of Linkin Park lyrics.

When the Transformers series became cult, I was more impressed with Michael Bay for bringing LP back into the limelight. And he stuck with them movie after movie. I also stumbled upon their collaboration with Jay-Z just as I got into my rap phase, and my God was I blown away. Numb/Encore was one of my top tracks for sure. Hell, at one point, my friend & I started an account on SoundCloud or something to make Linkin Park covers. The idea was also to make a YouTube channel where we played FIFA 08 to Linkin Park covers of our own. Insane ideas we never acted upon once the voice started to crack.

I didn’t like their subsequent releases, I’ll be frank. But I never let go of their music. Atleast 300MB of a 4GB iPod consists of Linkin Park. So yesterday’s news hit me hard.

A lot of people have brought to the fore how we don’t pay attention to mental health even though we lose celebrities to mental health issues. I’m surprised we need more deaths to teach us that mental health is important, and issues pertaining to mental health shouldn’t carry any social stigma with them.

I’ve never understood suicide. Sociology class tried explaining some theory behind it, but I’ll be frank. It’s a very complex emotion, to say the least. Our pop culture & our readings attempt to showcase suicide for what it is. To start some conversation. But it phases out – just like all news does.

I spent an evening on Genius verified lyrics looking at Linkin Park lyrics. Some themes I’m still getting over.

Rest in Peace, Chester Bennington. You brought to life a lot of the music I grew up listening to. I always wanted to attend a Linkin Park show live. And I always wanted to ask you how you managed some of the things you managed (like the insane vocals on Papercut, or One Step Closer, or even the long stretch you hold your voice for on In The End).

 

I find it strange that for a species that has constantly been pushing boundaries forward and venturing into the unknown, we find so much solace and comfort in habits. It’s also very weird how these habits develop, and how easy it is to get one ingrained into your system.

For example, till last month, I religiously woke up at 8:07AM every morning. Or 7:30AM, if I had the willpower to run in the morning. 8:07 was a deliberate decision – that optimal time between when the washroom is crowded enough so you can ask someone else if there is hot water (or mentally prepare yourself for the worst shock), but not crowded enough that you’re seeing someone else’s toothpaste foaming before you. The hostel’s waking up at 8:07. Everyone’s alarm is going off, which is also a good way to catch up with pop culture – because alarms are representative of the most “in-demand” tune at the moment. All in all, a wonderful time to wake up.

It took me 3 days to break out of 8:07, and push back to 7:40 (on days when I sleep through the 7AM alarms). My body now wills itself to wake up because it believes it should respond to messages and read some news. 3 days to break a habit that was a result of experimentation in first year, and has matured over 2 years. That’s an awfully short time.

But let’s talk about other peculiarities. I sit only on the left edge of a three-seated bench. As a consequence, the discomfort of sitting anywhere else in class plays around with my perception of the class. I am more likely to doze off to sleep when I’m sitting in a seat that isn’t mine. I am also more likely to continuously shift around, in an attempt to find that perfect balance of “enough desk to support my elbow” and “enough elbow to elbow room”. A result of being left-handed, I need to ensure my elbow gets enough place to support my southpaw, and that I don’t piss off my neighbours by wrecking their delightfully neat notebooks.

I also sit next to the same two people everyday, something that has also evolved over 2 years. What began as the result of three people refusing to give up in classes that were undeniably boring has become companionship I cherish. The bench I look to share pieces of good news with first, aside from my debating partner & other friends. The bench that creates the lamest jokes in class. But also the bench that is able to find that balance between zoning out and engaging with the Professor sufficiently – such that you’re never in anyone’s bad books. It’s also the bench that’s helped me make a somewhat triumphant return to maintaining my attendance percentages.

Which leads me to my mini-conclusion, I guess.

We find comfort in habits because they’re the only things that help us remain sane in an ever-changing world.

Profound enough?

No?

I’ll explain. See, over the last semester, the one thing I’ve sort of figured is that reclusing into a mind cave is a bad idea. But speaking more generally, you’re likely to face a multitude of challenges and emotions on a day-to-day basis. Habit helps you cope with changing emotions by providing a familiar environment.

Also helps give your body some rhythm. All about that healthy living, folks.

I understand the writing has dipped in quality. Call it the lean July period. Blame my internship. Blame 3000 for making me use all the words in my dictionary on a daily basis. Just, don’t blame me.