Category: Blog

March 22nd, 2018

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I’m typing this from the Chennai airport where I’m mooching off free electricity to recharge all of my electronic devices.

Travelling is the greatest refreshment for the mind, honestly. I think this semester I’ve been on and off campus for equal durations of time – and I’ve enjoyed the rapid change in scenery more than anything else. Not bogged down by the monotony of routine, life has begun to be a day to day activity – where I look forward to new things each new day will bring.

More importantly, every day is different, which is something I’m liking the most.

The only thing I would change is the number of early morning flights I’ve taken.

 

 

March 9th, 2018

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Fun times, as always, where I commit to writing every day and then forget to write for a bit because of other pressing commitments – like exams.

Our exams start at 2pm, and we need to be seated in our hall any time between 1.50 and 2, and I usually head in around a cool 1.56pm. It gives me just enough time to set up the way I want, say a small prayer, drink a sip of water, and then begin my palms for the terrifying 2 hours that lay ahead. But, I’ve been going early to my exam hall these days.

Why, you ask? (or you’re forced to read about?)

Well, mostly because I’m giving up on my studying quicker. I’ve learned that my brain has capacity and at some point, I’ve done all the studying I could do. That extra minute of revision isn’t going to help unless it’s crucial. I usually shut my books by 1.40pm and joke with my roommate for 10 minutes. That really gets us going. Especially on days like today, where we laughed about how tragic it would be if we were faced with a paper that made us feel like Mr. Bean taking an exam. (and, it was. A comforting thought in times of trouble.) We then said some Aal Izz Well thing, motivated each other, and breathed huge sighs of relief. In 2 hours, we said, we’d be looking forward to the weekend.

The other reasons are largely social. I have a couple of exam buddies. These aren’t people I usually hang out with, but we end up entering the exam hall at the same time. Every single exam. And then there’s a bit of chatter about what the date is and other mundane details. But that really calms me down before an exam, which is super fun.

Also, going early means more time to go pee before writing an exam. Without the stress of “Oh no what I have a really long leak will I make it to the exam hall from my hostel room without running.” That peace of mind is necessary. Plus, I drink too much water during exams. I go through about 1 litre in those 2 hours, and maybe 3/4 litres a day, at minimum. (Maybe more.) So peeing is essential.

The last bit, is my favourite.

Getting to an exam early means more time to observe things. There’s this wonder about finding out who your invigilator is. Will it be easy for students around you to cheat? Is this a new faculty whose name you do not know? Are they aware that you can only go to the washroom once in the next 120 minutes, or will you be able to sneak out twice (more to give your hands a break than to pee, but still)? Is this a professor who has taught you before, or is it someone who is going to scrutinize your ID card as if your name cannot possibly be Tejas Rao?

The possibilities are endless.

Then there’s the opportunity to observe people’s pre-exam rituals and facial expressions: that familiar feeling of dread and fear which materializes in laughter, the comfort of watching someone enter, catch your glance, and realize you’re both in the same boat of panic-relief. To see someone ask for a pen before an exam, because they’ve forgotten stationery, or hand in their mobiles – which they’ve carried in accidentally.

It puts my mind to ease.

There’s something else apart from the Law to concentrate on for a bit, and that’s nice. Especially before the two hours in which all my brain thinks about are “How badly do you need to pee right now?” and “How many pages does this booklet have left?”

 

 

6th March, 2018

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The biggest thing I’ve noticed since I stopped writing is that I’m no longer as in control of my thoughts and emotions as I was when I used to write daily. I was very reliant on this blog last year as a medium of expression, in terms of how I communicated what went on in my brain out to someone, or to something, rather. It provided a very big source of comfort for me, and provided a platform for me to talk about things and type them into this big void, free for whomever to see – without fear of judgment or criticism.

I need that control back, so I think I’m going to be writing every day again.

Your move, world.

Kenya

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This trip was not on my agenda at all. If you gave me an option to take a retreat, never in my wildest dreams would I mark out Kenya as a place to visit. In hindsight, I think that reflects my general inertia toward trips in general.

I really wanted to take a holiday at some point this semester, because I knew post February second week, I would be very exhausted, and needed a breather. Naturally, University has attempted to throw up certain hurdles such as a revised attendance policy. My parents were undeterred, and my mother planned out a seven-day vacation for the family all the way in Nairobi.

This was no easy task. It’s the middle of the year, so taking annual leave is difficult for the adults in the family. Plus, she had to cope with a child reluctant to participate in planning out the entire holiday, but with his own set of demands (wanted to see the cities I was visiting and/or bagpack/walk around places). It was a hectic time. Some verbal spats were involved. But she persevered.

My oh my, was it worth it.

I spent two days in the Maasai Mara, surrounded by wildlife and nature. A day in Lake Nakuru, with more wildlife and nature. And then two days at Mombasa on the beach.

In the middle, I met the Maara tribesmen, entered a village, partook in some dancing, and lost my luggage.

I also learnt that I enjoy photography. A lot. I have a really strange tremor that affects my hands, and usually end up taking very shaky photographs when given a phone camera. With a DSLR in my hands, that did not seem to be a problem. I think I’m going to try taking more photographs in my free time. Just walk around Ahmedabad also a little more and get some good clicks. It’s something I believe I can really enjoy.

The hospitality in Kenya was incredible and is possibly one of the things I loved about the trip. Caring comes very naturally to people. Our tour guide, James, was fabulous – in terms of understanding limitations we had as a group of vegetarians, or with my grandmother’s arthritis. Remember how I said we lost our luggage? A female taxi driver volunteered herself to go collect our luggage from the Mombasa airstrip and bring it to us at the Ukunda airstrip where we were at – which is a distance of 3 hours one-way, including a trip on a ferry.

It was incredibly heartwarming.

On the trip, apart from seeing some incredible things, I got a lot of time to reflect on things, and I’m hoping to really get into the flow of some lifestyle changes again. Especially doing charity work. I forgot how nice the art of giving makes you feel. Or generally, working toward putting a smile on someone’s face. I think I’m going to be more active about that. My aunt and mother, through their NGO donated some clothes and other material to the Maasai children, as well as children affected by HIV in Nairobi. That really touched me – I didn’t know it was an agenda on our trip at all.

All in all, a 10/10 recommendation to go to Kenya and spend time in the middle of the jungle.

I think seeing vast expanses of arid, dry land (somewhat like a scene from Lion King), makes you realize how insignificant we are. Seeing animals up close and personal – including some very natural interactions like feeding, was very, very heartwarming. It made me realize how much we sacrifice for urban development, for example, or commercialization. That’s given me a lot to think about – stuff I can’t really put into words just yet.

I’ll probably go back to work on some animal conservation project I think. Even if its just for a short time.

All this stuff was great, honestly. But what I’m most grateful for is that I got 10 uninterrupted days with my family. It’s something I cherish the most – even though I don’t quite show it as much when I am with them, I don’t think. I’ve missed out on a host of things since Grade 10 – because of exams and some academic commitment or the other. I also have workaholic genes, which provide convenient excuses to miss out on stuff. Throughout this, my family has been supportive and understanding, so to be able to go on a holiday with them was fantastic.

My last takeaway was that I got to think about my relationship with my parents a lot. There are a couple of experiences I’d like to financially be able to provide for them once I start earning, so let’s see if that plays out. They’ve managed to give me some experiences that literally make up who I am as a person, so giving that back will feel wonderful, methinks.

That’s all for today.

Finally writing again. I think I’ll start to do this more often. I missed it.

Curd rice out.

Barbershop

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One of the things I really admire about my father is his ability to connect to people across social strata. It’s one of the things he made me very conscious about as a young kid, and it’s something that we don’t do regularly enough in India. My barber and I have a sacred relationship – in whichever city I spend time in, I make friends with a barber who I entrust with my hair, for life. He’s the only one allowed to cut it and shape it and leave his mark on it. He is the artist and my hair is his paint.

I’m usually very picky about when I have a haircut – I hate going to the barbershop close to some important date, some time where it’s necessary and beneficial to look presentable, because I’m worried that the haircut will make me look terrible. As a result, haircuts are meticulously planned out in my head. I go for one pretty much every month on the same date and end up looking pretty consistent across photographs. In fact, I think I’ve looked the same since Age 5 (minus the acne).

But I took a bold risk. Today, I went for a haircut. This, despite the fact that I really need to look good for a few days in the upcoming week. I prayed to God when I sat on the chair, and communicated exactly what I wanted to Picasso, hoping he’d work another masterpiece.

However I decided today would be a great day to take my mind off my nervousness by actually talking to my barber and understanding how he ended up where he is. I’ve not done this before because his shop’s always been awfully crowded, and he’s usually focusing on the Taarak Mehta playing in the background. In the past, I’ve convinced myself that my broken Hindi is only sufficient to ensure that my hair isn’t ruined. Today, I ventured into the unknown.

And I learnt so much about the barber. And strangely, about the Law.

Curiously enough, people who don’t study it, don’t trust it. (This isn’t something new, but the gravity of things only strikes you when it’s contextualized.) Land matters take far too along, fraud in daily life is a regularity, losses keep coming and the Law just seems unable to protect people in time. After 10 years of cutting the hair of Law students, my barber had become more aware of current issues. Apparently, one of my seniors had told my barber to send his kids to school and just ensure they complete Class 10 in English medium. Because that would ensure employability of some kind.

Since that day, my barber’s been studying himself. Through the newspapers he has spread out for his customers. Through his customers himself. And apparently, he watches the News in the afternoon when no one is around – because Taarak Mehta is on hold for a bit apparently.

I know this shouldn’t, and it probably doesn’t sound like much. But this evening, my barber took off some of my hair and replaced it with a bunch of perspective.

 

Learning about Writing

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I think learning about writing, and the process of writers has been the process I’ve been the most intrigued to learn about. It’s pretty fantastic the way words come together for writers, and the manner in which people work when they decide to write a novel. Some people prefer isolation – secluded spaces of their own where their creativity seems to thrive, while others, appear to prefer chaos, feeding off the energy around them.

What astounds me about the way writers write, so to speak, is that we’re blessed with the same tools as they are. Language. Of course, naturally, some writers are gifted, insofar as they come up with a plot idea so gripping, you keep turning pages. But, more often that not, you’ll notice that a single piece of work has just taken a lot of effort, and a bit of luck. All with the same tools that you’re blessed with yourself. Language.

Language is the greatest part of the human connection, I think.

It’s so fantastic, you know? This incredible ability we have as humans to say what’s on our mind to anybody who is desirous of hearing. Not everyone can appreciate art, or movies, or even food, and other modes of expressing oneself.

But if you’re truly feeling something, it appears that saying it, or just writing it down is enough to transmit everything in your head to another individual.

That’s a pretty powerful thought.

And it hit me when I read Ursula Le Guin’s old-school blog, which I think is pretty cool. I had only ever read one of her books prior to her untimely passing, and I’m now reading the Earthsea series.

Being able to communicate through language?

Possibly the coolest thing we’ve done as a human species.

Pachinko|Min Jin Lee

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Pachinko,
by Min Jin Lee
Published by Grand Central Publishing (2017)

Min Jin Lee’s novel traces a single Korean family through multiple generations across the 1900’s. Without an individual protagonist or a singular plot, the novel is filled with characters, who navigate periods of immense sorrow and joy in annexed Korea, and subsequently, in Japan an adopted homeland that refuses to accept them. The book tests your understanding of several themes, including faith and family.

The thrust of the novel comes from a perplexing loss of identity – a natural consequence of being colonized. Being tagged as Korean under a Japanese Empire means very little, and being a woman under such an Empire brings with it, it’s own set of limitations and societal obligations.

The first chapter is perhaps the best insight into what the novel is going to become. Characters are introduced rapidly, with physical description and dialogue providing the most insight into their behaviour, and the plot moves incredibly smoothly. Sunja is introduced as Hoonie’s daughter – her own identity only beginning to develop once her father passes away, and thus begins a moving saga of a largely ignored historical arc.

Sunja’s unplanned pregnancy sees her combatting her understanding of love, and what relationships mean, at a very young age. At the verge of bringing shame upon her family, already within the lower echelons of society as a consequence of being Korean, she is rescued by a Minister, who offers to marry her. It is at this point that Sunja moves from being Hoonie’s daughter, to becoming a subsequently, a mother, and subsequently Baek Isak’s wife.

As religion is explored through Baek’s understanding of God and what Christianity means, death begins to appear as a recurring occurrence, with Korean families scrambling to stay alive, and getting drafted to serve the Emperor, only to lose their lives on the battlefield. Internally, societal conflict results in death as a result of expressing yourself. Under an Emperor, having an opinion is absurd and a social evil, and you realize, through Yoseb, that suppressed emotions lead to slow, decaying madness.

Shame and guilt underpin many of the finest scenes in the novel, with every character continually forced by their position as second-class citizens to make painful sacrifices, and, consequently, to consider the nature of those sacrifices, and whether they’re worth being made. This continues down to Noa, who leaves his family to start afresh, and Solomon, who is forced to break off a relationship on the same day he is fired.

At all points, however, Pachinko is what appears to tie each character’s narrative together. As a mechanical gambling game that originates in Japan, the Koreans find refuge in running parlours for the rich Japanese, earning their livelihoods from the same business. Noa’s character is the only Korean to reach University, but he gives up on his education, and finds himself running books in a Pachinko parlour, the same thing his uneducated half-brother does, and Pachinko seems to be the ceiling at which Koreans reach.

The novel exemplifies historical research. Lee’s language crafts 20th-century Korea and the sights and smells of the shabby Korean township of Ikaino in Osaka as if you walked down the streets yourself. As a multi-generational novel, age gaps and cultural shifts are extremely well presented, and the novel gets you to think about immigrants in East Asia by presenting Oriental History without a Western skew.

All in all, my 2018 Reading has started off well. This one’s a must-read.

 

 

 

2017 In Review: 10/10

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Talk to your parents more

One of the biggest things I learnt in 2017 was that I shouldn’t be scared to bring up things with my parents. As a child, while my parents were (and still are) extremely open-minded, it took me some time to explain to them all the thoughts that were going on in my head. I remember understanding the value of opening up to them during the time my Board Examinations were ongoing, and when college application decisions were pending, but that was mostly me ranting, and not really explaining things out – because I was a frustrated soul.

There were numerous points this year where I fought with my parents. In fact, I don’t think I’ve fought with them as much as I have over the course of this year. Fighting is a strong word, and I’m sure as they read this (hello!), they’d prefer me to use “disagree”, or “not concur”, rather than the word fight, but there were several times we were on completely opposite ends of the spectrum on a particular topic. That was because neither of us was communicating what we were thinking.

I guess this goes for all relationships but it’s just a lot easier explaining things to my parents than doing things and trying to predict what their outcome is, because yes, I’ve grown up a lot since I’ve come to college, but I still do look to their advice for a lot of things.

Granted, I don’t think they’re always right. And yes, I do think they’re blatantly wrong with some of their accusations. The biggest thing I learnt over the course of explaining my emotions to them is that I shouldn’t be apologizing for things I feel. I used to use “Sorry” as a great cop-out strategy. Just to avoid getting irritated with them, or them getting irritated with me, I’d just apologize for whatever blunder they accused me of. But I can’t do that anymore, and I think they’ve come to realize & accept that there are some things they may feel that I’m unwilling to budge on. It just makes for a lot more respect in the conversations we have.

Plus, I legitimately only speak to them for maybe 5 minutes a day, and I really don’t want to use that time yelling at them, or listening to them yelling at me. I’d rather save all the yelling for when we meet in person: I think confrontation is a lot more fun that way.

Sometimes they react in ways I wouldn’t expect. I honestly didn’t expect them to sanction a 3rd debating trip I wanted to take this year. Nor did I expect them to be okay with me dropping an internship. Or coming back to Ahmedabad really early, and missing NYE with them. But they compromised on a lot of things this year, for me. I know I haven’t spent time with my parents, especially my dad, as much as we usually would have liked to.

The great thing is that we’re committed to working on a couple of things as a family. And Project Law School was something we collectively signed up to back in 2015. Now it’s just a matter of taking things as they come along.

Hopefully in 2018 we’ll be in the same city more often, parents. But I’m glad we talk as openly as we do. This past year especially, has been a joy. Will never forget my internship in Whitefield (where I loafed around at home before/after work/on weekends like I was a schoolkid.) Makes me wonder what working in Bengaluru would be like.

That was my year in review, I guess.

What will tomorrow bring, I wonder?

Curd rice out.

2017 In Review: 9/10

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Let Off Some Steam

Work is where I find the most comfort, the most pleasure, and the most joy. It’s numbing, almost, to think that I’m typing this. But it’s truly where I am the happiest – finding a task that has a deadline, remotely connected to something I enjoy, and working away at it while putting in my best.

I figured this out late, but I was always a busy bee at school. If there PODs to do, House Meetings to organize, or something to participate in, I enrolled without a care. I’d check if my friends were participating only much later. Social prejudices rarely affected me. What also helped was that my parents were responsible for signing me up for things, so a lot of stuff was “do as directed” – including piano classes, UCMAS, and karate.

In comparison to several others, I woke up on weekends the same time that I used to wake up for school, and play “sports” for 4 hours. Then I’d go home and study. I think my parents just found it easier to deal with me when I was continuously occupied, because maybe I slept better when I was tired every single day.

That continued on to college, and I just kept grabbing at every opportunity that interested me, without a lot of care for how much time I got for myself. While it helped that I found time to do things I wanted to do, I still considered that “working on myself” for the longest time.

In March though, I slept for a week. Didn’t do anything post classes. That was blissful.

And that’s been a huge takeaway this year. That sometimes, beyond all else, it’s important to let off the steam & sleep a little. Prioritizing sleep is the greatest thing you can teach yourself.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

(I say this at 3AM, when it is work that is keeping me up.)

2017 In Review: 8/10

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Try New Things

I made it a personal goal to try doing things I really wanted to, but was nervous of succeeding at. Just for the fun of it. I’m actually obsessive about doing well in projects that I choose to take up, so this was against my instinct. But it was super exciting.

I tried Global Poetry Writing Month back in March or in April (I can’t quite remember), and that was very enjoyable because it provided fresh challenges every single day. On days where I was too lazy to write poetry, I’d end up resorting to Haiku. Poetry has never been something I’ve excelled at writing – I enjoy reading poetry a lot more. But writing it was a creative challenge that my brain really took to, and I’ve signed up for Airplane Poetry Movement’s 100 Poem Challenge for 2018. Let’s see how that works out.

The other really cool thing I decided to try out was inktober. Last year, a very close friend of mine did some amazing things with art, and I was very curious about how tough it would be to draw stuff out. As I’ve explained, I’m a terrible artist, so I decided I’d limit myself to stick figures. When I saw the prompts, I recounted lots of puns I had heard of, and came up with some too. So the other limitation I placed upon myself was to try drawing puns daily. This was probably also prompted by 3000’s recommendation of webtoons – I got hooked onto those as well. So, maybe that helped me illustrate a little. I drew out stuff with a ball point pen every single day, even during exams. I don’t think I’ll draw that consistently again, but taking up inktober next year doesn’t sound like an idea I’m scared of any longer.

These are two of the things I was really skeptical about trying, but I’m glad I did. There are new experiences everywhere, and I guess they’re just waiting to be seized.

Can’t wait for more of that in 2018.

2017 In Review: 7/10

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More things I learnt in 2017.

Travel

I’ve always enjoyed travel. I dislike perfectly arranged trips, and I enjoy doing aimless exploring on my own. It takes me time to find the desire to leave the comfort of my home, and I suffer from inertia prior to getting into a cab. But I enjoy travel. I love the experiences travel gives you, the simple joy of discovering something new and unique. I like seeing new sights and carrying with me new stories. Every time I set out, I feel like Christopher Columbus – like there are places to go where people haven’t been, and things to experience in my own unique ways.

Following the debacle in January, I decided I’d give myself the opportunity to travel as much as I could – even if it meant going back to Bangalore repeatedly.  I’d use debating to take me where I want to go, but I’d go somewhere that wasn’t Ahmedabad. That was for certain.

First I went to Bombay, a city I’ve never been to, and then to Bangalore – both for debates. In Bombay, I caught up with seniors, stayed at a college friend’s house, explored South Bombay food at 1:30AM, and even sat in a bookstore for 6 hours: reading. I travelled by the train both ways, and took the local to get around. I’ve never slept so well. We didn’t break at the debate, but I met some amazing people and ate some incredible food on that trip.

Then I went back to Bangalore in April, where I debated again, and just missed breaking. But I caught up with a friend I had last spoken to aged 10, and I used the metro to get everywhere I needed to go. It was fabulous. The connectivity was a new experience for me, living in Whitefield.

I visited my grandparents up in Pune, and then landed in Bangalore with a road trip to Mysore planned out. For one day, my friends and I felt like we were back in school. We played FIFA late into the night, and then yelled at each other while inventing a new game in the swimming pool.

After returning to Ahmedabad, I made 3 trips to Bangalore in the course of one semester. And I went to Delhi. All those trips had a couple of activities in common, and people at the heart of it all – people who made those trips memorable: by serving me biryani, or giving me fresh doses of gossip. And yim yam.

One of my debating trips took me to Manipal, the experience I cherish the most in this year. You can read about that here. Basically, I learnt a lot about friendships on that trip. And about a different kind of college life. One that I’m not going to experience for another two and a half years, atleast.

I returned to Pune and consumed lots of Gulab Jamun and visited a temple with my grandmother.

Once I was back in Bangalore, I took an amazing road trip with my mother and one of her classmates across Karnataka (quite literally). We visited 7 temples in 2 days – not something I’m a massive fan of, but the company and the food more than made up for it. I got to go to Malpe beach – a sight I had missed out on when I visited Manipal, and ate paneer ghee roast (favourite new dish from this year). And I learnt a lot about my own culture, in terms of how temples practice Brahminism in the modern day. Plus, I got to learn a bit of Karnataka geography – something I haven’t been exposed to before. All in all, it was a good trip, and gave me a lot to think about.

I travelled a fair bit this year. Mostly I remember the food. But I also remember all the wandering I did alone. Especially in Bombay, where I opened Google Maps and wandered around till I reached a bookstore. And then I moved to another bookstore.

I really want to travel more next year. It’s one of those things I love that I can’t quite articulate as well – and that’s something I’m eager to work on.

Travel was a big part of my 2017, basically.

More tomorrow!