Category: 2019

This year has been a rollercoaster. You’ll learn more about this in twenty-five days, when I write the annual year in review post on this blog.

Today, I participated, ran in and completed a 5 kilometer run. With this participation, and the medal (very shiny, see below), I have now completed the last of my pending 2019 Resolutions.

I hadn’t prepared at all for this recently. I run as much as I can daily in University, but there are several days I don’t, and I’ve only ever run 5 kilometers twice before. I haven’t run in the last three months at all, so I wasn’t exactly in any shape going into this. The only thing I knew was that I definitely wanted to run the entire distance, complete this thing, and collect the medal. As I’ve highlighted before, medals mean a lot to me.

My parents and I registered for this event together. They’ve run events previously when I haven’t been around, and take great pleasure in participating and letting themselves loose – just enjoying the atmosphere. I told them fairly early on that I’d be running ahead and waiting for them at the finish line.

It was bloody difficult. The adrenaline rush at the start made it incredibly tough to control my pace and not run too quickly (because I would have collapsed at that pace). The Corniche winds in the middle made it difficult to continue running, because all I wanted to do was to stop and spend some time enjoying the view and taking photographs of the beautiful blue coastline and the boats that were docked there. My own limitations meant I struggled with motivation in the last 2 kilometres. I had some discomfort in my foot for some time too, given that I had scalded myself while cooking just last week.

But I persevered. This isn’t some great accomplishment, and I really don’t want to celebrate it like one. It is, however, another thing I have done now. I really didn’t expect that I’d be able to cross this off the list this year, and I genuinely became comfortable with the idea that I’d go into 2020 with one resolution carrying forward. I’m happy that isn’t the case.

This running thing has been an obsession over the past three years. I’ve literally had “run a 10km/half marathon” on the list for 2017, 2018, and 2019. This year it was phrased at “cross the finish line at some organized run”, because I didn’t have a distance goal in mind at all, and I literally just wanted to do the bare minimum – I wanted to push myself to go, register, and actually participate. There’s a reason for the obsession. I’m interested in fitness and staying fit. I know how much I’ve benefited from it in the past, especially in Grades 9 and 10, when I was arguably at the peak of my sporting prowess (if any). Except, I found myself enjoying contact sports lesser and lesser in subsequent years. And then I became lazy, incredibly. I have a great deal of inertia generally, but when it comes to physical exercise, I find it a little tougher to get out and do something. This is especially because it’s something I’m doing entirely for myself, and its been very difficult to “see” any real progress (there’s a circularity here – I haven’t invested enough time to see any progress in myself). But I’ve been obsessed: I’ve read, and thought, and reframed my objectives. I’ve spoken to runners. I’ve listened to running podcasts and videos. It’s been crazy.

A large part of this obsession has also been because I was surrounded by people who run. My community, the one I reside in in India, is filled with inspiration people who participate in this running craze – all for different reasons, with different distances they’re good at. All of them train really hard. They manage to do so alongside incredibly demanding jobs. And they travel – for running. I’ve been surrounded by these people since I was in Grade 6. My own Uncle has been running for the last 4 years (I think – it could be more/less), and has been participating in runs, and traveling, and making his own progress – but more importantly, just been enjoying it. He tried pushing me a couple of times, but my inertia came in the way (a lot).

This obsession has now seen the first of its action. I’m hopeful of one thing only: that I don’t stop running. That next year sees more of these medals, and more stories to come with it. It’s going to be really tough, I know that now. But I know I can do it, so do it I will. The inertia is something that will take a lot of warding off, but I’ll ward it off each day, and get this done.

Today (and my parents will read this for the first time on this blog), I broke down at the finish. They gave us a towel for us to wipe off the sweat. Mine helped me wipe off some tears. I literally just sat down on the side of the finish and dabbed my eyes. I don’t know why it happened. I can hypothesize several reasons: the relief of finishing, the joy in being able to trust your feet with your weight are two of them. My system clearly needed to get those emotions out, whatever they were.

This is probably the only reason I want to cry again. Doing something I’ve wanted to do terribly badly, and then having those emotions pour out. Literally.

Today’s been one of those chill-days. I don’t think I’ve “done” too much per se, but some days are like this. I spent today reading and catching up on stuff that I was interested in reading about. That’s technically doing a fair amount, but I did all of it from the comfort of my couch, and subsequently my bed. I also persuaded my parents not to go out for grocery shopping, and instead, utilized that time to nap on the couch, covered by a blanket. It’s been an all-round positive experience for me.

It has now become pyjama weather here. I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to go back to the hostel if I’m feeling cold in this kind of weather (it’s around 24-25 degrees Celsius). It’s going to be crazy, especially given the broken window that greets me in my room. I’ll probably resort to my age-old warm-up technique of switching on the kettle and holding it to warm up my hands, apart from enjoying a hot glass of water.

I sent out my first e-mail newsletter today. I’m not entirely pleased with the design of it, but it’s a start, and it’ll only get better design-wise from here. The content is entirely dependent on how much time I spend on the internet and how many nice things I find in a given day, so if you want a good newsletter tomorrow, tell the internet Gods to be kind to me. You can see the newsletter here, if you’d like.

The rest of the day was spent scanning and digitizing my library of certificates and various academic records which I may need access to in the future. My dad suggested this to me earlier in the summer, because I requested a neighbor of ours to help me out when I needed my board exam certificates. I was dismissive at first, but I’m learning how helpful it is to have access to documents that are important to you all the time. I ventured forth into my dad’s office clutching all my certificates with me, hoping that the process of scanning would be quick and not emotion-laden: because I was quite worried about how long it would take.

It was the exact opposite. It was slow, and an extremely emotion-filled day.

I’ve learned two things today, things I’m extremely grateful for. The first is the amount of work xeroxing and scanning things is. I’ve always been thankful to have individuals to help with all the printing and scanning we do in law school, in particular when we have moot memorial submissions, or we have projects to hand-in. Rashmibhai is a blessing on campus. I know how difficult the task can be, because my dad’s worked in printer sales for some time, which means I’m aware of how goofy the technology can be sometimes. But I’ve never fully immersed myself in experiencing it first-hand. I goofed-up multiple times today: once absentmindedly inserting a stapled document into the scanning feeder tray. I’m lucky nothing happened to the multifunction tool I was using, but it was a stupid mistake that set me back about 10 minutes till we resolved all the misfeeds. I’ve printed a lot of stuff at one of my law firm internships, but that doesn’t compare to scanning at all. I’m more aware of the kind of concentration the activity takes – and how much you need to pay attention to the process now. As a result, I’m very grateful for all the books I’ve xeroxed over the years in law school.

The second takeaway was the emotion-laden bit. Digitizing and archiving your own certificates means you have legitimate reason to look at pieces of paper marking various things you’ve accomplished in the eyes of an authority in the past. I’ve looked at my certificates to ask my parents stories about the day I received them: my dad usually remembers most of them, but today, I was looking at them alone. It was admittedly very difficult to recall some of them, like my kindergarten report, which describes me as being ‘social’. Others, however, led to a lot of nostalgia.

If you’ve read the blog for long enough, you are aware that I have a tendency to live in the past and feel the nostalgia fully. I believe this is because I enjoy stories, and I enjoy history a lot (my 4th Grade report says I had an “affinity for the subject and must be encouraged to do extra reading”). A piece of paper evoking a complex, vivid picture of the past is therefore, easy to imagine – and so it was. As I caressed each page, taking it out of the folder it was meticulously placed in by my parents, examining it, and flipping it over to scan, it felt like I was flipping through a scrapbook in my own head. As the lightbeam produced the image on the USB drive, an exact replica of the paper I placed in the scanning bay, so too did my brain produce an image of that paper. Except, it was a moving image surrounded with a cacophony of sound – a video snapshot of what transpired.

I remembered, for example, that I had completed my music theory examination – in 2009, at the Bishop Cottons Girls School, in Bangalore, and gone to visit my grandparents because my grandfather was hosting a small exhibition of his artwork. I remembered my grandparents accompanying me to my first (and only) piano concert till date, the pride on their faces (and mine) evident in the beaming smiles. I recalled breaking down when I received my 11 AS results, because my Physics score was particularly awful. I broke down outside my school’s main gate, on the phone with my father, because I didn’t know what to tell him. I had tried so hard, and done so poorly – it was something I couldn’t register properly for some time. He cried too.

I saw myself bawling into my beanbag when I found out the University of Oxford rejected my application in Grade 12, and deciding not to go to school the next day. I must’ve cried for a good 10 minutes. In equal detail, I remembered how much joy I experienced when we were runners-up at a basketball tournament, and got certificates for that. I finally felt like we had done something relevant as a basketball team – despite the fact that we had byes in two rounds, and I only played one quarter in the entire tournament. Collecting that certificate meant so much to me.

It was odd, that all of these pieces of paper produced such a variance of emotions, such an extreme range. What was odder, perhaps, was that I was able to experience all of them in a few hours.

Certificates meant a lot to me as a child. Trophies and medals did too. They were signs that I was doing things that my school, my society viewed as being worthy of noticing and commending. I was really lucky my school credited non-traditional accomplishments by giving out Awards to everybody on Awards Day – with small badges on a cap.

But looking back now, those experiences mean a lot more to me. The struggles and the joys those pieces of paper brought. They shape me more than the paper ever has. The paper’s merely a record, a recognition that something transpired – and I don’t think I’m going to let it mean more than that. I’d rather choose to remember how something happened, rather than the mere fact that it did. It’s clear that my brain remembers these things today. I’m hopeful that it’ll never forget.

This is the first post I’m writing exclusively on this website, without having to rely on cross-posting from my old blog at curdricedaily.wordpress.com. It’s a seminal moment for me, but I’ve deliberately chosen not to wait for the New Year to do it. I’ve realized I’ve wasted a lot of time looking for landmark dates or times or moments to do stuff, rather than just doing them. Often, this has led to an endless cycle of postponing things. I’ll end up missing one landmark date, and then the next one never quite feels good enough. If I had waited till New Years’, for example, and then forgotten to migrate over, I would have waited till New Years Day 2021 to get stuff done. Which is far too long. I’m sure you agree too.

Today’s been a really joyous day. My work went on till quite late last night, despite the fact that I didn’t really want it to – which led to me missing out on this morning’s activities, unfortunately.

Subsequently however, we’ve been binge-watching The Crown’s new season as a family, and eating some fun food. My dad’s eaten one of my chocolate chip cookies too – a rare, and thus treasured moment.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2008/04/21/up-and-then-down

I went Bowling after absolute ages, which was enjoyable. It got my mind off things for a while, which I’m grateful for. I genuinely can’t recall my last Bowling outing, but I’m very, very certain it involved my chikamma and Uncle. Our WhatsApp group is named Pizza Hut + Bowling because of a tradition we’ve had for years now. I should really ensure we actually do the whole Bowling followed by Pizza Hut experience before I graduate. Or as a graduation celebration, perhaps. Let’s see how things pan out. 

After that I hung out with my dad. We bought him new chappals to use at home, and then I got to buy him a kinder bueno. Now the best part of this, undoubtedly, is that I’ve gotten to eat kinder bueno two times in four days.

Then I submitted some of my masters applications. Which was good, but I’m going to be cautious about how optimistic I get. I’m just so happy I have the chance to apply, and to think about the kind of stuff I really want to be working with and studying further. It’s weird, but it’s motivating me to get into that stuff as soon as possible, so I’m scouting around for opportunities right now. More on that some other time.

Onto the next set.

My mother’s gone off to Goa. This now means that both my parents have gone to Goa for a holiday/party before I have – which is a shame, given that I’m the one in college meant to be partying. I mean this as a joke, but its a joke I make reluctantly. Soon, I will visit Goa too, and compare it to my time in Pondicherry near the beach. I don’t know if any of my trips will compare to that one.

The house is quieter as a result.

Several of my activities got canned today, which meant I spent the day working on some applications I needed to send out. Once my dad got home, we just spent time talking and figuring out how to use the next couple of days. We’re really lucky – he’s got a lot of time on leave from the office as a result of UAE National Day, which means I get to spend more time with him and we get to do stuff he’s planned out – especially because my mom and I can’t hijack the agenda.

My chikamma has left, and the house is quieter. 

Today, at the airport, I purchased a kinder bueno for my mother. This kinder bueno has been the find of 2019 for me. I discovered its existence when I was in Europe, and began to enjoy it very much. The kinder brand has always been a big presence in my life – with the kinder eggs and toys providing a lot of entertainment to me when I was younger. Some of the toys I’ve constructed in recent years sit on the table on the side of my bed to remind guests of my existence and presence – and that the room they stay in is my room.

I also find the brand to be a useful reminder to be kinder to people. Buy them chocolate, if you will.

We got back home and I’ve been chilling the whole day. 

My aunt departs tomorrow. I’m not sure how to feel, honestly. I’ve spent a lot of time with her, more than I ever have in recent times, and just enjoyed every minute of her company. I always knew how short her visit was, and why she had to leave, and all of the circumstances, but, this trip has been so enjoyable for me that I’m conflicted about having to drop her off at the airport tomorrow.

Her and I have always gelled together, right from when I’ve been a small boy. In recent times we’ve grown closer to each other, and that’s been a really nice thing for me, because I have the opportunity to ask her things I can’t ask my parents, and get her perspective on stuff that’s bothering me – which I can always relate to, for some reason. It makes me think of how alike we are, in so many ways.

Today I made some spaghetti for her, which was fun. 

I also tried to watch the movie Ratatouille and failed, which was not so fun.