Month: October 2019

On things that made me smile today:

Submission season just means there’s a lot to do, and I’m just going to post media till I can write again:

I miss school today. Just the thrill of that orange uniform, man. Wow. We were so young. We still are, but to think that we were younger that we are today, is somewhat comforting.

There’s a second dissertation submission to do, and I don’t really have the typing energy to type more words aside from typing words I need to type for my dissertation. My fingers will cramp at the end of this submission cycle. I’m quite sure.

Today I submitted my first dissertation. The first of two. This is also the first time I’ve written between 7500 and 10000 words, a proper, full-length paper. It’s something I’m immensely proud of, largely also because of the fact that I wrote most of it on a time-crunch.

I should’ve started earlier. But that’s always something you can say in hindsight.

Onto the next submission!

Today is Gandhi Jayanthi.

Most people are pretty easy to figure out: they seem to side with Gandhi’s ideals, or firmly reject several of his views. As people seem to find out more about him, they start to become uneasy. Not sure how to reconcile the kind of values he publicly stood for and some of the behaviour he knowingly participated in in private. It’s confusing. I get it.

I feel that way at the moment – there’s some stuff I didn’t really expect from myself that has happened, and now I’m figuring out that reconciliation for myself. The more I think about public figures like Gandhi through this process, the more I figure out how human we all are. It’s also something I picked up while watching the three-part mini-series on Bill Gates. And while rewatching episodes of this trashy drama show called One Tree Hill I used to watch for the basketball. The human aspect to all this is just the fact that we’re not all yin, or all yang, or all good, or all bad. We’re all people. We’re all on a path to progress. And that’s all I’ve been doing, and that’s all I’ll continue to do.

Jameela Jamil reminded me about that on twitter.

So as is with Gandhi. Celebrate his positive contributions, recognize his faults. The one positive thing I identify most with is truth.

Courage to truth. Truth to courage.

In good and in bad.

Back in Gandhinagar. It’s October: which means it’s time to go home. Not literally today, but it’s close enough to start a countdown clock.

I really wanted to do inktober again this year, but given the kind of things I have to finish up this month – specifically just the number of submissions I have, I don’t think I’ll be able to. Your loss, internet.

I’m looking forward to these last 25 days. The semester break means I’m going to have two months with my parents. That’s going to be the longest my parents and I have stayed together since I was in Grade Six. Given the kind of things I’m dealing with right now – I know that’ll be good for me, and for us. Plus, they’ll be around when I click “Submit” on my college applications. They were around for the last set, which turned out pretty okay – even though I was a wreck when I did them, and a wreck when I waited for results, and waited on my decision-making. That’ll be nice.

Today, I lived out a dream I had when I was in Grade Ten. For that, I am going to be forever grateful. I enjoyed the interview. I know I did. I know I’ve done my very best: in preparation, and I seized control of the elements I had control of. For the things I do not have in my control, I leave it to the forces in the Universe that control those things. We’ll see what happens and what decision the panel I interviewed before comes to.

I’ve wanted this thing for a while, and with a burning passion. But I also know there’s only so much I can do. I’m just going to be content with that.

I was fortunate to spend some time with a few seniors from University as well: who really helped put things in perspective.

I know this has been a good trip for me. Living out a childhood dream is always worth it. Now comes the worst: the wait for the outcome. But that’s something I can deal with.

One day at a time, right?

I’m just a bundle of nerves. To calm myself down, I’ve decided to spend the entire day on reddit. I did. I watched some stuff too. And then I ran through some answers I prepped with some people I had prepped them with.

And I slept. Tomorrow’s a big day.

I’ve always experienced joy in take-off. It’s always made me feel closer to where I need to be at any given point of time. This is largely been true of rides in aeroplanes: I’ve always taken them voluntarily, mostly planned, mostly knowing that I wanted to be in a place other than where I was. As a child, this was knowledge of the fact that in my summers I wanted to be in India. As a young adult, this was knowledge of the fact that I wanted to be able to spend some time with my father over my breaks. As a college student, this has continuously been knowledge of the fact that I need to be some place. Either for an internship, or a competition, or even returning back to Ahmedabad for some time (considering I spend 2/3rd of my year here), its just been that consistent knowledge that there’s a place I’ve needed to be.

Today, Delhi was that place. And when the plane took off, I realized how badly I wanted to be there, but also, how much, at this point, I didn’t really feel like being in Ahmedabad-Gandhinagar. The change of scenery I knew would do me some good. Give me some more time to think and figure out stuff. I also knew though, that it was a short trip with a purpose. I just wanted to have a good time at this interview I was preparing for.

I also really wanted to eat pizza at some point on the trip, but more on that later.

Anyway, of course Delhi decided to throw me a couple of surprises. When has it not, right? I got to my hotel, with a valid reservation, only to find out (after speaking to the receptionist/upper management) that the hotel itself had shut down. I had booked through an aggregator/intermediary, so it was super frustrating (this is OYO, by the way). I spent some time aggravated on the phone with them, and after finding out they couldn’t relocate me anywhere, spent some time (with low battery) on Maps and on the phone with my parents locating the closest hotel, walking there, and seeing if they had room availability. Thankfully they did.

All I wanted after that was some idli vada, and that’s what I had. I was running a nasty cold, so I’m glad I have tomorrow off to recoup before the interview kicks in.