Today, I wrote my last mid-semester examination for this sem, and the relief I something I find difficult to explain. Over the past week, books have kept me more company than my actual friends have, which I’d normally be fine with. Except that it messed up my sleep cycle again. Just when I was getting used to something of a routine.
The exams didn’t go as well as I hoped they would, and a lot of that is down to the amount of pressure and expectation I put on myself. As I’ve ranted about and explained on multiple occasions, I have problems and fears of failure, which means I work out of that fear quite a bit – more than I work out of the motivation or the happiness that learning gives me. This mindset often messes with me, so it’s something I’ve been working on.
For the first time, I laughed away a paper that went horribly. People who’ve known me would understand how antithetical to my character that is. And it felt fantastic. I hope the results turn out okay, but it felt good to let go of something I stressed about with my friends.
I type this as I sit on a bus to Udaipur, the first of several trips I’m taking in the next month. Should be a fun night.
More sometime later, I guess!
Tejas Rao 