Another paper down. Thankfully so, because now we’ve got a break of two days before the other four hit us in succession. This means I can watch YouTube for half a day or more, depending on my motivation, before I start studying. In reality though, I’ll sleep through the entire day and begin studying only at night, which is precisely what happened today after the exam. I woke up being supremely disoriented and confused about how much time had elapsed, and wondered how seasons had changed (the only explanation for this is Gujarat weather, and nothing else).
Today’s paper was alright. The preparation for it was really irritating though, because at various points while studying, I found myself questioning the necessity of studying the subject, it’s purpose and relevance to my daily life, and whether I was understanding anything that I was mugging up. Only one answer was positive, and thankfully, for now, it was the last one. I did, however, grow frustrated with the number of case laws we had, and ended up at one point during the night, taking a frustration nap.
This bothers me because I feel like I’m doing two things wrong. One, I feel like I’ve stopped enjoying my studies – something I really dislike, because I love how much I like learning new things. But, two, and what I find more problematic, is that I feel like I’m betraying why I came to law school. I think it’s fine for me to dislike subjects – I’m entitled to a subject preference. However, questioning a Law’s relevance to my life feels really strange because I now think that I’m being unappreciative of a profession and passion I love dearly.
So for the next four exams, out of which I’m dreading just the one, I’m going to work hard to combat this fear of “I don’t know when this will ever be useful to me”. Because if I grew up thinking that, I wouldn’t have ever studied Math. It’s direct application in my life continues to evade me.
Also, yes – I did skip uploading blogposts for the last 4 days. Trust me though, blogposts were written and saved. There’s no way I’m breaking this streak of writing.