Today, one of my fresh friends (which means they’re someone I met recently, and not an ode to their deodorant), observed that I live my life according to a lot of rules. That took me by surprise.
If you’ve known me before my “University” stage, you’d completely agree. My life was driven by routine in high school, especially senior secondary. I lived from class to class, came home, loafed on my couch, and got to my studies fairly quick. It was just that I allowed myself time to play FIFA a fair amount and get carried away. Nonetheless, sleeping had fixed durations, and eating had specific times.
But I came to University and stopped being a creature of habit. I began to do things in the moment – because I felt like it, and stopped being rigid about how I felt when things I set in mind didn’t work out. Earlier, I used to let emotions overwhelm me. If I set goals for the day, it would piss me off no end if I went to sleep without finishing them. I sort of got into University and became, well, chill. If something didn’t happen and it wasn’t urgent, it was something I could do tomorrow. And so on. Being in charge of the way you spend your time can lead to a lot of change for people – and for me, not having supervision about how I spent my time, meant I surfed the internet way more.
And worked, of course (my parents are reading this).
So it caught me off-guard when someone told me I lived life by rules. Here I thought I had become chill.
I thought about it for a while, and I realized that aside from me beginning to procrastinate, not much else had changed over the years. Yes, I don’t have a schedule for life any longer, but I still enjoy planning things. Yes, I’m comfortable with a deviation in plans, but it needs to be for a specific purpose. But most importantly, unexpected changes in plans and unexpected news can make me very frustrated when I’m in a “zone”.
My mother can attest to the fact that when I set myself to work, I can be the most painful person to be around. I will set myself up to have everything I need within arms reach and not move from any location until (a) the tool I am using runs out of battery power, and therefore I need to move closer to a wall socket, or (b) I have completed everything I needed to in a single sitting. I sometimes forget meals as well (which is hilarious).
I will make limited conversation, but will reply to texts, and I usually float off into a world of my own while working.
So if you tell me something I don’t expect, it pushes me off-guard a fair amount.
Which basically means I still life live with (a) expectations and (b) plans.
Turns out the observation was fair.
I’m not too worried about the fact that I live by rules, because it doesn’t affect me too much when my daily schedule changes (unless I really have someplace to be). But, I still do let me emotions overwhelm me when someone tells me something new.
And it’s terrible because I ask a lot of questions in general – very specific ones. So, fresh news can lead to a bombardment of questions to an individual that all sound very passive-aggressive.
That’s something to work on, eh?
(all of this stemmed from a conversation about how I like finding new music)
(wow, my brain thinks.)
Curd rice out (and hopefully going to sleep?)