36/365

Well I missed five days. I didn’t realize till my mother told me, which is somewhat of an indication of what my last five days have been. They’ve been ridiculously fast-paced, even though I haven’t had much to do. That sentence is pretty much an accurate description of what college life is like at times. It just happens.

Post the minor bump in the road that was my moot, I’ve been talking to a lot of people and figuring out a lot of things about myself. It’s been a rough few days, but it’s been days filled with realization.

What hit me the hardest is something I thought I should share with you. I figured out that compared to first year, when I mooted in second year, I became more closed off. I stopped talking to as many people, stopped telling people what I was doing – out of some irrational belief that it would come off as being repetitive and monotonous. That’s led to me being in a bit of a rut. People in college are busy, and at one point, I wasn’t sure if I started sounding really melancholic and very selfish – making everything about my moot. I’ve also started doubting who I can talk to on campus about these things.

I’ve questioned a lot of things over the last few days, and people who’ve brought me the most clarity have been my parents.

Which is something I’m very grateful for, but the realization that I got out of all this was that over the last six months, my work-life balance took a huge hit. I feel like I became so consumed in this cycle of work-work-work, that I didn’t care about trying to a live a life outside of my work, or getting to know people and the events in their life as much.

Strange enough, my friend in America is going through something similar. I chatted with him this morning at 5AM, and in a very strange way I felt like we were back in school again. But that conversation was pretty revealing, in that we both figured out that we don’t trust easy. Which means it’s easy for us to get sucked into things that prevent you from having to develop trust with a lot of people.

That’s something I need to break out of, because it’s a habit for me.

Ironically, it’s something I have to work toward.

 

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