You are a dreamer. Some of us, we come to law school with an idea. An idea that we believe is wholly ours. An idea, our family might say, is unique solely to us. They tell us how ambitious we are, in straying away from so-called societal norms, in taking up a course that is yet, deemed unexplored and uncertain. We get this notion that we are special. In 12th, our parents support and promote our subject choice to the world. At that, one might argue, they are more convincing than any advertisement. However, I digress. We come to law school being nurtured by our parents and family. They tell us that this idea is novel, and that achieving it would be something to be proud of.
You are a giant. The rest of us are encouraged by these words, but dissuaded by society. We end up believing that we are rebels, with the ability to change public mindset. We end up challenging ourselves to prove that Anu Aunty character wrong, by doing everything we can to fulfill our objective. We come into law school determined that our idea is genial, and that society will be amazed when we eventually bring it to fruition.
You are goal-oriented. This is true for majority of students coming into law school for the first time. You feel this way through your journey here.
You are certain. And then you get here.
You are complacent. In a flash, you’re surrounded by individuals who have the same thought processes are you. People respond to stimuli in the same manner that you do. People speak with an air of confidence, imposing their ideas on you. Society has developed in such a way that people seem to have lost creativity. Naturally, there are other people who have the same ideas as you.
You feel small. Everyone here seems to have traced the same path to get here. All academically gifted, all witty, all with great talents. Your aspiration seems to be the aspiration of half of your class. The aspiration seems to be that of your seniors, and your super-seniors. You hear stories of how only a few actually end up doing what they aspire.
You feel lost. Your hobbies are hobbies of everyone around you. You read? So does everybody else. You debate? So does everyone else. You do Model UN? Again, not unique. You’re a public speaker? Bah, what’s new?
You begin to feel ashamed. Everything seems to be quantified. There’s this idea that everything you have experienced can be expressed in numbers. Number of debates, number of wins, number of Model UNs. So much so, that it boils down to your CLAT Rank and your 12th grade marks. It eventually ends up being the number of pages on your moot memorial, or the number of citations.
You are in shambles. Your purpose, gone. Your perceptions, changed. Your desire to change the world, thrown out the window. In a matter of hours, your world is turned upside down.
You cannot quit. You tell yourself this because you wish to remain sane. Your insides chew on your brain to figure out how to become unique again.
You think about lying. What’ll people say? How’ll they react to a small number?
You become a member of the crowd. One amongst everyone around you.
You are unique. It hits you that it’s just a number. Rational thought returns to your brain. Quantitative analysis leaves your system.
You are certain. You realize that lying is for the weak and shameless. People around you are ones you will be spending time with. Lying would be futile, as they seem to catch up to you eventually. Slowly, your idea seems to creep back into your system.
You are goal-oriented. You understand that in a mass mentality, it is your character, and your ideals that will set you apart. It is your ethic, your morals, your commitment to your goal. You come to appreciate that acting upon your determination is what will enable you to bring your idea to life. You ascertain that sticking to principles is what will make you stand out. While society seems to have gotten rid of creativity, it has shaped morals in such a manner that no two individuals are alike.
You are a giant. You begin to practice everything you set out for yourself. You begin to rely on peers and family for motivation. Those numbers evaporate, and sense of purpose sets in.
You are a dreamer.
4 thoughts on “Two months in.”
Great post. Beautifully encapsulates first two months at Law School. You’re a master at Reflective writing. Proud of you Tejas 😀 Hope to read another blog post soon…
Some writer you are, comet boy. The honesty in your write-ups is refreshing.
Dreams will change, to the point that you’ll find it strange to be a dreamer even. But don’t give up on the dreaming itself – it’s okay to re-prioritize. It’s all about you at the end.
Thank you so much! Did not know you wrote! Shall read now.
And yes – I will keep that in mind. So much wisdom you have.