My mum’s been away for a while now (I think four days, or five?) – she’s off on a Vipassana course. I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about this before, so bear with me. My mother discovered Vipassana almost one year ago now, and her first course was in May 2018 – it started on my birthday, so she left Bangalore within 1 day of us meeting, last time.
I remember a lot of emotions: I didn’t understand why she had to go away for so long. I didn’t understand why she was starting this thing on my birthday – I felt like there was no need for her to. I also felt like it was unreasonable on me that she was doing this – walking out for 10 days and then walking back in as if she didn’t miss out on anything. These are horrible first reactions, I am well-aware. But she seemed super intent, and also super, duper worried about whether she’d last all 10 days. So I remember telling her before she left home that she needs to take one day at a time, and commend herself for each day that she manages. Especially because this was going to be such a new experience for her, I thought that was absolutely crucial.
A lot of things happened when she was away. My dad and I fought a few times. My grandfather passed away. It was a lot that was happening.
She came back from the entire Vipassana experience having really enjoyed it. Over the last year, several other members of my family, and several of my mothers friends have tried out the experience and enjoyed it. Now, initially she tried asking me to participate as well. I was very closed-minded. Ultimately, I decided that right now I didn’t feel interested enough in the concept, and maybe someday in the future, maybe that interest will grow naturally. It’s something I’d like to be open to later on. Just, not now. Not for me.
Anyway. All those reactions and emotions of her going away were a manifestation I think of the fact that I missed her presence. I’m not entirely sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that when she wasn’t there – a lot of other things happened, which are things that happened just as a result of the fact that she was doing her own thing. Something that was important to her.
Now, I feel like if she does these courses, I’ve learnt to just be happy that she’s doing her own thing. Which I think is a change that’s worth acknowledging.