I dislike thinking about the value that other people assign to me. Yet, it’s a thought that often crosses my mind. Does X find me interesting? Am I fun enough? Will everyone leave me?

Okay, jokes, not the last one.

But legitimately, while I drive away thoughts that assign self-worth based on public perception, it does end up happening sometimes. Especially when individuals I chat with pass judgment or act differently than they usually do.

Which begs the question: why do I expect a certain kind of behaviour from a certain individual?

Moreover: why does it bother me when people act differently?

I’ve identified that the root cause of this is that I consider myself way too important in people’s lives. Which means if someone is pissed, I am clearly the reason they are upset. If someone is happy, I am clearly the reason they are happy – or rather, I ought to be.

That kind of stuff is weird.

Realizing this has made me realize I need to take life a lot less seriously than I do. Which doesn’t mean reorganizing goals and whatnot. It’s just, the whole, perspective of everyone’s doing their own thing and everyone’s got a life of their own.

And that I need to stop thinking people are acting weird exclusively because of me.

I think this’ll also help me eliminate something I spoke about earlier: my inability to deal with unexpected news that takes away things I love.

A lot of that probably also comes from assigning value to your own time and your own sense of being.

As you can see, I’m caught in a spiral with this one, so I’m going to end this here.

Nothing like looking at you roommate sleeping to get you thinking, am I right?

Also wow! I just realized. Marriage, and having a partner is literally like having a roommate for the rest of your life.

How weird.


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