So we meet again, 4 days on.
The last 4 days represented a culmination of everything I’ve done in the last six months. I felt honoured and privileged to have gotten the opportunity, but there’s a feeling of sadness that lingers on – I didn’t quite do what I set out to achieve.
Coming back to campus today was extremely strange, till I met my friends. I’m so grateful I stay in a hostel. It’s the only thing that makes you stay sane when your emotions run awry. If you’re happy, there’s always people around to share your happiness with, and if you’re sad, someone’s always around to listen to your problems.
I’ve never been one to internalize feelings. I can’t live that way, though I know several people who are at peace internalizing things. I believe that talking things out helps you gain clarity on why you feel the way you feel as a human being, and today was no different. Two poor souls listened to me feel slightly sad for about an hour, and I felt better after that. Thank you guys.
What I’ve also realized is that my parents feel worse than I do when I’m sad. I’ve already told you guys about the University rejection and the Physics percentage. I think I coped with that mainly because my parents were physically present when that happened. I spoke to my mum today and I could hear how sad she was that I was upset and disappointed. My dad told me about this yesterday, and in his own way, tried to get me to look at a bigger picture, when I thought everything was lost.
I yelled at them a little I think. At one point when my mother was consoling me, I don’t know what overcame me, but I felt like we were on opposite sides of the same coin. It seemed like she had no idea what I wanted and why I was upset. A bit of sleep goes a long way in helping you regain emotional stability, and after spending some time with my thoughts, I’ve had one major takeaway from today.
Your parents are on your side.
That is all. And that’s something I think we should remember more often. This isn’t some magical sentimental revelation or whatnot. It’s just what I feel right now.