Topsy-Turvy Day

Today’s been a very topsy-turvy day. It’s been filled with some great highs, and some lows – so I’m ending the day feeling very “meh”. Has today been a good day? In parts, yes. Could it have been better? Yes, for sure. Am I still grateful for today? Most certainly.

I had an excellent start to my day. Woke up early this morning, got a run in and everything. Had a slow, leisurely breakfast. Was early to class. Stayed awake and read a bit of a book. Chilled in the afternoon, gave my synopsis presentation.

Then got confirmation of some news I had an inkling about in the evening. And another confirmation of some news I did not anticipate. That left me second-guessing how lovely the first half of the day had been. I wasn’t too hit by the news I sort of prepared myself for, but the second bit of news definitely knocked some of my good juju out the window.

I’ve struggled with expectations all my life, very recently too – which led to a lot of self-inflicted harm and a lot of introspection. I’m trying and genuinely working on cutting out expectations from several factors out of my control, but it’s a difficult process – and sticking with it sometimes feels like I have to let go of theĀ optimisticĀ side of me I so cherish and love.

Maybe it’s about striking a balance. That cautious optimism – the one that doesn’t place expectations but is always hopeful. I’m not sure. I’ll let that thought marinate. I meant to write “I’ll ruminate” but now I’m thinking about a good falafel sandwich. Yum. Man. Associative memories really suck.

Amidst all of this, the biggest highlight of my day was speaking to my dad on video call for 40 minutes, split into two halves. One in the afternoon, and once at night. I don’t think I’ll remember all these feelings the newses induced in me. What I will always remember is that I spoke to my dad today, for a long time. And we chatted. I’m so grateful for that.