Category: 2019

Where the author of a book I read today discusses said book:

Essential viewing methinks:

In the docuseries, “Inside Bill’s Brain”, the interviewer asks Bill Gates what he’s most afraid of, and what scares him. His response is that he doesn’t want his mind to stop working. The first time I heard that, I was taken aback by how simplistic, yet how selfish that was. I couldn’t quite understand why he felt that way, and what motivated him to say that. Through the entire docuseries, he highlights so many challenges and so many problems that the global community is facing, and yet – the one thing he’s scared of is that his brain will stop working. I didn’t get it. I thought his response would be “climate change” or something of the sort.

Upon reflection though, I sort of do get it. On multiple levels. First, the individual level – Gates’ brain is what keeps him going, literally. Second, the societal level – after watching the documentary, it was apparent to me that he viewed all these issues we call unresolvable as challenges, and he’s spending all his time committed to thinking about solutions to these.

It’s therefore sort of comprehensible that he’s worried about his brain not functioning.

In a sense, I am too. Reading Flowers for Algernon made me fear that even more. Today, I had a really productive day – I got a ton of work done, spent a lot of time with my family, and read two books (almost). All these things gave me immense satisfaction, of different kinds. I’m worried I’ll lose my curiosity – which comes from my brain wanting to know more. Then I’ll stop reading, and that’s not something I ever want to do.

I read this rather crazy book called “Do Fish Feel Pain?” by Victoria Braithwaite today. It’s unfortunate that the manner in which I found out that this book, and this line of research exists in the week after she passed away, but I’m so glad that I did. It’s been such an eye-opening read, and apart from the tidbits of knowledge I’ve now gained, I’ve gained so much more appreciation for the scientific method – and I realized how much I missed my Sciences. I’m probably going to read more Science & Technology nonfiction just to overcompensate. As a thought experiment, I spent some time thinking about the kind of problems I’d likely work on if I pursued the Pure Sciences. I’m not quite sure what I would have done, but I do know I harboured equal passion for Mathematics, Theoretical Physics, and Organic Chemistry. My thought experiment went kaput because I couldn’t figure out which one of the three routes I was likelier to pick if I turned back time to Grade 11.

My mum drove me to the mall today, where we hung out, ate a Japanese cheesecake, and completed grocery shopping. Then I cooked dinner. After that we watched the new David Letterman episode with Shah Rukh Khan. By connecting my laptop to the television and beginning to stream some Netflix, I successfully conned my parents into staying awake for an hour longer than they anticipated, which I find hilarious.

The Grammarly tone detector tells me that this text sounds “confident”. Its related emoji is a firm handshake. I find this hilarious too. I don’t see how a narration of mundane fact is “confident” at all. Its just, fact.

Aha. I have successfully deceived this tone editor into thinking I am now “Joyful” and “Friendly”. Excellent.

That is all. I’m going to go do some work and play chess now before passing out.

We dropped off my grandparents at the airport this morning, and since then, my mum and I have been chilling. This evening, I took her for a walk around our new community. There’s a basketball court here, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to play a few games, or just shoot some hoops with people when I’m in town.

There’s nothing else of note from the day, to be frank. Just that, reading is back to its regular course, which I’m extremely grateful for.

[Context: https://www.simonoxfphys.com/blog/2019/11/4/im-not-okay ]

Dear Simon,

I’ve read through this piece you published multiple times since you published it. Each time I read it, I resolved further to write out a response. I drafted this a couple of times before posting it, but kept deleting my thoughts because I wasn’t sure what the right words were. I’m not checking this from this point forward, so I’m literally communicating to you everything in my head right now.

I discovered you in Grade 11, when I was making a decision about whether to apply to the University of Oxford, or the University of Cambridge to study Law. I watched your Day in the Life video, and then discovered Oxvlog. Ultimately I chose to apply to Oxford for other reasons, but comparing Jake Wright’s videos to yours gave me a lot of insight about life at these Universities. I’m very grateful for that series. I then continued to watch your videos from that point onward, and when you did your PhD series, I loved it – as someone aspiring toward that path, I was so in awe of did so much. I love it now as well and I watch some of your videos when I need a pick-me-up. Most of your science education and Kerbal space program videos have been enjoyable because I am a science geek studying Law, but basically, I’m a fan.

Which is why reading your letter of sorts really pained me. Its difficult to imagine and contemplate the true extent of the kind of struggle you’re experiencing. I can only empathise with how difficult it must have been for you to take the decision to write about it publicly, but I’m so grateful that you did that. For me, it does two things. As a fan of yours, it makes me more aware of the kind of stuff going on in your head – which is something we’ve always looked forward to in your vlogs. More crucially though, it shed perspective on mental health and the conversation around that – and the manner in which it needs to take place. There has been an uptick in the ease with which society is able to have conversations about mental health issues, but society holds a lamp to individuals who have following, and the fact that you’ve initiated that conversation and that process for yourself, I’m sure, will change the way several people who have followed your work and your life on the internet, look at mental health.

I do hope all the effort you put on your mental health bears fruit, insofar as it helps you feel better. That’s all I wanted to say, to be frank. I’m not very sure why I wrote this full blogpost, but I guess I just wanted to say, take care.

If you need something, you should know that there are several people you can turn to who want to help you out. You know whom to turn to, but should you decide to utilize the internet or any social media to ask for help – there are several people your videos and material have helped. I’m one of them. And I’d be glad to return the favour.

Lastly, pixelgirl is amazing.

I know I shall await work output when work output comes, but I look forward to hearing that you’re doing better one day.

Everything is temporary, so this too, shall pass. I’m glad you’re seeking help.

Regards,

A fan.

The highlight of today has been a trip to Ibn Battuta. To an outsider, a natural question that may arise is: how can you visit a person? To a person living in Dubai, the only question that arises is: which pavilion did you visit?

This is not a joke, but a fact. It’s a humorous fact, which I’m hoping everyone can appreciate with the below context.

Ibn Battuta was a wild Moroccan explorer, who went on all sorts of crazy pilgrimages. Dubai is a wild city, which builds all sorts of crazy things. This is a perfect match. Thus, in homage to Ibn Battuta, the city built a mall – a gigantic mall, which is the world’s largest themed shopping mall. The mall has a Court/Pavilion based on places Ibn Battuta visited. This is not to say that these pavilions exclusively feature shops from that region, but rather that the architectural style and design is based on that region in its entirety. There’s an Andalusia Court, China Court, Egypt Court, India Court, Persia Court, and Tunisia Court.

It’s actually insane.

The reason today’s trip was a highlight was because, of course, my grandparents were there. And we ate McDonalds. Eating McD with them made me so aware of how childlike the two of them are. Both of them enjoyed the burger, of course, but my grandmother was super curious about the items on the menu and the kind of quality control McD and other multinational food chains maintained across their branches. My grandfather destroyed his burger – literally eating the top bun, then the burger patty, and then the bottom bun, but he was happy eating it, which made me happy – and I laughed at how uniquely he consumed the thing. Then we ate doughnuts, which also amused them both (look, its so soft!), and I bought my grandmother a McSwirl cone. That cone is the cheapest thrill in the world (aside from free objects), so her happiness knew no bounds.

Naturally the questions were aplenty: how often do you go to McD, how much do you usually spend there, and such.

But spending close to an hour eating at McD with them was fully worth those questions. I also got to drink two glasses of Coca-Cola because nobody else wanted it, so it’s been a pretty great day.

In the evening my grandfather and I went for a walk to the grocery store. This is a new neighbourhood for me, so he’s helping me get acquainted with the place and showing me around a little, which I appreciate. It was only when I got to the store that I realized he also wanted to visit so he could pick up some chocolates without my grandmother noticing.

We are both nefarious individuals, my grandfather and I.

They’re off tomorrow morning, and the house is going to be quieter when they leave. I’m going to cherish this McDonalds memory forever, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to take them to a McDonalds when I visit Bangalore next. What I’m going to miss is poking fun at my grandmother and giving her a hard time in good jest, and those walks with my grandfather. I’m always wiser in his company.

I have arrived in the motherland.

And the grandmotherland, given that my maternal grandparents are presently here as well.

Given that I had an early morning flight, I pretty much slept through midday till lunch. Post lunch I showed my grandparents the Bill Gates docuseries I watched, which made sense to me since my grandfather loves technology.

Then I lazed around and played computer games.

My holidays have well and truly begun.

Today was my last day in Bangalore. I know this makes no sense at all, but I celebrated it by going to Salem. You heard me correctly. My aunt and uncle drove me down to Salem, in Tamil Nadu, and drove me back. We visited a temple there and returned. The trip itself was an absolute delight, and I’m so grateful that they gave up their Sunday plans for this.

The first time I heard of Salem was when a boy from the city relocated to my school. I hadn’t even heard of a place like it, and I recall thinking that it sounded foreign (Middle-Eastern, almost), while also sounding like Salami, which made me chuckle. But then I met the boy, and we became really close – in part because of our mutual love for fountain ink pens, and in part because we just got along, conversation-wise. We were on the same bus route for a while, which undoubtedly made our friendship easier. What was crazy was running into him on a BMTC bus a couple of years ago.

But speaking to him and hearing about Salem and its schools, and the district generally, I couldn’t help but think that Malgudi, from RK Narayan’s works, was modeled along its lines. While I didn’t really explore Salem today, I did think about Swami and his friends a lot on the car journey to and fro, and that’s given me enough to be cheery about.

What I’m also really cheery about at the moment is the amount of time that I spent with my Chikamma and Uncle. They hadn’t seen me for six months, and I know they were concerned at times about my welfare this semester, so to be able to spend some time with them and talk to them about everything was pretty great. The car ride reminded both my Chikamma and I of our trips to Amoeba and Pizza Hut, and we stopped for some amazing food both on the way to Salem and on our return journey – which made everything worth it.

Of course, since I’m going home tomorrow, I need to groom myself. So I had a haircut and shaved my beard, and I now look 10 years younger and ready for my parents’ pampering. In a few hours I will be at the airport again. I really do hope there’s a fast-food joint open inside the international section of the Bengaluru Airport. Its very frustrating that the KFC is only open on the domestic side. Everything on the international side is so unnecessarily expensive.

[Update: nothing was open]

 

I dislike having to prove that I am capable of using the English language. Nonetheless, this morning I completed a proficiency test. I’m not too worried about the results, but scoring low marks will hit my confidence for sure. I know it’ll make me question some of the grammar choices I make on this blog. And some of the rules I’ve implemented. Especially the rule pertaining to no editing. Maybe it’s time to become a stickler for English language rules, punctuation and everything. Or maybe it’s time to flip conventions on their heads. I can never tell which mood I’ll wake up in, which made writing today’s exam particularly difficult (I was in the mood to turn convention on its head, so I had to remind myself about punctuating appropriately).

I chilled with Panda in the afternoon, and ended up watching videos about music and talking about the new music we discovered in the last 4 years. Which was really fun.

Then I went to a college batchmate’s house. This was my first trip there, despite the fact that we’ve spent 4 years living within 10 minutes of each other even on our semester breaks. That was enjoyable, not in the least because we were able to spend time in each others’ company away from campus. We’ve done that for the past 3 winters now, so this is technically the first winter break we’re spending away from each other in a while. It’s weird, but it’s something I think we’re both grateful for. We were getting too close, I must admit.